Ever feel like you're just not in the mood to be a sub?

[maddie]

I've been finding it a little difficult lately to really let go and allow myself to get into a scene. Usually, though not always, I'm able to let myself go and get caught up in what's going on. I can fully submit both physically and mentally. But lately, I've been finding that my brain isn't quite as willing to go there.

I don't feel like I want to be a Domme, but I'm concerned about not being able to get into "sub mode", for lack of a better term. We're in the midst of getting ready to move, so there's some stress, which could play a part in it, I guess.

Anybody ever have this happen? Any suggestions?

[Warbaby1943]

I've been finding it a little difficult lately to really let go and allow myself to get into a scene. Usually, though not always, I'm able to let myself go and get caught up in what's going on. I can fully submit both physically and mentally. But lately, I've been finding that my brain isn't quite as willing to go there.

I don't feel like I want to be a Domme, but I'm concerned about not being able to get into "sub mode", for lack of a better term. We're in the midst of getting ready to move, so there's some stress, which could play a part in it, I guess.

Anybody ever have this happen? Any suggestions?

I have felt lately that I am not as interested in the sub roll as I used to be. I don't know what the reason is but it is still the only option open to me if I want to enjoy anything in this type of life. I pay for my experiences and I so far haven't found anywhere to purchase someone I could dominate. And to be honest, I'm not entirely sure I'd want to anyway. I still fantasize about bondage but it isn't in the all submissive way I used to. Maybe age plays a part in it, I don't know. Maybe it is because it sounds so intriguing when I read about some of the ways women are dominated here, again I don't know.

Suggestions, I have none but will be watching this thread closely. Nice topic, by the way.

[frankee]

maddie

i haven't been part of this lifestyle for very long so i haven't felt like that...well not yet anyway, i'm sure i will have days like that at some point.
The stresses of life can most certainly do that to you, it can affect you emotionally and physically. The move is probably the cause of your stress.
Perhaps, you could get your move over with and then have some 'chill out' time and see how you feel then

*hugs*



frankee




Proud sub of Mistress Cindy

[cariad]

I've been finding it a little difficult lately to really let go and allow myself to get into a scene. Usually, though not always, I'm able to let myself go and get caught up in what's going on. I can fully submit both physically and mentally. But lately, I've been finding that my brain isn't quite as willing to go there.

I don't feel like I want to be a Domme, but I'm concerned about not being able to get into "sub mode", for lack of a better term. We're in the midst of getting ready to move, so there's some stress, which could play a part in it, I guess.

Anybody ever have this happen? Any suggestions?

The time I find that happens is when I have had a particularly successful time at work, which has normally always involved me being assertive in addition to being just being strong. I can find it hard to come down from that high, but usually a few well chosen gentle words and a certain look flicks me over into sub mode.

cariad

[Misato36]

Sometimes life is so busy that it is hard to complete my master's every wish. It is those moments that sometimes I do not feel like being a sub. Also sometimes I don't want to give my master every inch of my body and mind which causes me to fight back. It doesn't happen often but sometimes I'm just not in the mood.

[maddie]

Well, at least I know I'm not alone. It's a bit frustrating, but I'm sure I'll get through it. Hopefully, once the move is over, I'll be able to relax a little more.

[Tojo]

Um, if I may contribute to this thread- If one of my girls said that to me, I'd say something along these lines. Just stop, close your eyes & notice how you're feeling. Take some time to get in touch with yourself.

I tend to lean towards starting slowly & getting back to basics, noticing the little things, the subtlety of the experience.

We don't always feel the same, & things don't always work the same, sometimes you have to stop & look at what's going on in some detail.

That's my opinion. I'm sure you'll get it back maddie- just take it easy & don't push it.

Tojo

[dzire2pleeze]

the "sub mode" as you put it, Maddie, is, in my opinion, determined by the Dominant. It's kind of like sex, if you will, you're not always in the mood, but a proficient lover can entice you. Now I know that's putting a lot of responsibility on the Dominant, so I don't want all you Dom's jumping all over me...okay go ahead (LOL).

I have, however, noticed that when I am stressed submission is a nice place to go. What am I talking about, i'm always there! Geez, I'm probably over-stressed and not submissive at all.

And Warbaby - don't even go there with the age thing. ~smiling~ Don't you know that 60 is the new 50.

[katie_21]

Well yeah, everyday of my life lol.

Sometimes I feel like a sub and sometimes I don't (why does that sound familiar?)

I guess I'm still new to all of this, but sometimes I wonder why I'm even here, cause I really don't know what the hell I want lol. But, at least I'm in good company

[submissivewife]

There have been times where I really don't want to nor have the energy to be submissive. Then my dom will do or say something that will put me "in my place" so to speak.

[Tojo]

I guess I'm still new to all of this, but sometimes I wonder why I'm even here, cause I really don't know what the hell I want lol.

Seems like you just answered your own question my pretty- many of us are here to find out just what the hell we want.

(pardon me for interrupting, maddie)

Tojo

[Garnet99]

Maddie, I haven't been on the site for so long, for precisely this reason! When life gets so busy and stressful, i just can't get into sub mode at all. I'm a teacher, so that means most of the year! Summer is our time to "play" though we have some weekends that we get back in touch with this side of our relationship. Don't get upset by this feeling - you have a lot on your plate now with the move. When you are settled in your new place the feeling will be back just as strong as before.

Good luck with the move.

Garnet

[Pet_Amanda]

I too have had those I don't want to days. Especially if the kids have been acting up. I usually tell my Master of my day and he is usually willing to accomidate me. It is nice to have your husband be your Dom. He knows how hard delaing with the kids and house can be. Especially since I am a stay at home mom. I just think about how I feel while I am pleasing my Master and I am able to get into the mood. That and seeing the look in his eyes.

[Dragon's muse]

Those days come and go. Usually all it takes to get me back on the sub track is for the Dragon to grab me by the hair and growl in my ear, "Who do you belong to?"

easy slut that i am, i just melt.

[katie_21]

Yes!!! Somedays I feel like a sub, somedays I don't lol

[fantassy]

Some days???? How about moments? Sometimes my mood will switch from sub to nonsub in an instant. And sometimes it seems it happens for no good reason. It's very frustrating.

fantassy

[Ozme52]

Submissives are the epitome of sensual beings.

Knowing that, when you feel that way, not in the mood. is it better if your Dom relents or demands. Do you want to be dominated back into being sensual or would you like to be mundane for the evening.

[SheepishJaina]

Some days???? How about moments? Sometimes my mood will switch from sub to nonsub in an instant. And sometimes it seems it happens for no good reason. It's very frustrating.

fantassy

I couldn't agree with you more.

[selkie]

Interesting discourse! I think whta everyone needs to remember, is that we are not a single-faceted being - each and every one of us - Dom AND Sub are multifaceted- each of us affected by the ebb and flow of our days and the various demands and stressors.

I do NOT think you should be hard on yourself for "not feeling like a sub" sometimes - what I DO hope is that you have a Dom/Master who understands that each of us has stress (usually the main culprit) in our lives that makes it difficult sometimes to get into the spot where He/She wants us at that moment - it is NOT just about being the "perfect" submissive - it is also having a caring, perceptive and nurturing Dom/Master.

I live in a a very long-term 24/7 D/s relationship and yes, there are days where I'm not in the mood and he is - what I have found is there is no simple answer to each of the occasions - there are times when he will very successfully get me in the mood by an exellent spanking - I still find myself grinning that the old adage "she needs a good spanking" really DOES work for me - it is a super effective way to "de-stress" and relax and D. learned this a long time ago ...

I know this is long-winded but I think it is important to differentiate between the fantasy of being the perfect "sub" (or for that matter, the perfect "Dom") and the reality of every day life - it doesn't mean you can't find ways around it and work together but the important thing is to COMMUNICATE - D. smacked my ass the other day and I snarled at him (an unusual thing for me as I ADORE my ass smacked usually) - he initially reacted angrily then sat me down and asked me what was wrong ... I had just worked 60 hours in 5 days ... I ended up bawling about how tired I was ...he ended up tucking me into bed, bringing me a hot cup of tea and then turned out the light and told me to go to sleep ... the next night, I MORE than made up for it ... grateful for his understanding and nurturing.

[phantasy_seeker]

Submissives are the epitome of sensual beings.

Knowing that, when you feel that way, not in the mood. is it better if your Dom relents or demands. Do you want to be dominated back into being sensual or would you like to be mundane for the evening.

I guess that depends on how severe the lack of mood was? If it was just 'nah, don't much feel like it', some really good domming usually gets me right back into the mood. In fact, I myself am pretty amused at how easy it is. A few words by him, or a task or two... that dom-look would probably work as well, but ah, the limitations of online D/s.

However, if it's the really really bad mood, like if something really terrible happened to me during the day and I am really upset or angry, I certainly don't need a demanding Dom to add to it. I'm sure most subs here would require gentle care and compassionate understanding. And believe it or not, that can actually be done in a firm Dom-ly way, and be the more comforting for that.

[Havensov]

From the Dom's side of the coin.

Personally, i would rather a sub tell me when they are upset or not in any mood to be a sub because, to be honest,i want the sub at her finest. I would rather take a brake, or simply not do a task, until she is in the mood then to do it badly because she is pissed that she has already had a bad day and now i am making it worse.

Now this is just my side, other Dom's may feel differently.

[fantassy]

Do you want to be dominated back into being sensual or would you like to be mundane for the evening.

That's the tough part. Usually, I do want to be "dominated back into being sensual" (what a great way to describe it!); however, sometimes He must tread a fine line. If He puts a word wrong unintentionally, sometimes I'll just flash to anger/irritation/stubborn resistence internally and withdrawal externally. I wish I could predict the reaction, but I can't. Often I am at my most submissive after the most stressful days - it is such a relief. Other times, when I've had a stressful yet successful day, I ride that adrenalin high of being able to conquer the world and beat up any opponent. Those are the dangerous days. . . . And that's not even considering the hormonal influences. Whew ! Domming sure is a tough job!

fantassy

[moptop]

Sorry to butt in a bit off thread. Just wanted to say - LOVE the graphic Pet Amanda has! It's really beautiful.

Maddie, I know I'm only new here, and can't talk from long-term experience, but instinct says, well, sure, we must all get days when we don't want to be submissive - or days when we don't want to be/do something else we normally really love being/doing, cook, go out dancing, dinner with friends, reading, whatever. It seems to me that in any relationship, D/s or other, you need the balance and good communication between the partners for a loving understanding that anyone can have 'off' days, especially where the stress of life is getting in the way.

[Pet_Amanda]

[QUOTE=moptop;147652]Sorry to butt in a bit off thread. Just wanted to say - LOVE the graphic Pet Amanda has! It's really beautiful.[QUOTE]

Thank you. My Master sent that to me.

[dzire2pleeze]

I know this is long-winded but I think it is important to differentiate between the fantasy of being the perfect "sub" (or for that matter, the perfect "Dom") and the reality of every day life - it doesn't mean you can't find ways around it and work together but the important thing is to COMMUNICATE - D. smacked my ass the other day and I snarled at him (an unusual thing for me as I ADORE my ass smacked usually) - he initially reacted angrily then sat me down and asked me what was wrong ... I had just worked 60 hours in 5 days ... I ended up bawling about how tired I was ...he ended up tucking me into bed, bringing me a hot cup of tea and then turned out the light and told me to go to sleep ... the next night, I MORE than made up for it ... grateful for his understanding and nurturing.

See now, in my humble opinion this is what it's all about, Selkie.

The Sarge is very much like this; understanding and nurturing and oh so patient. Even when I'm being difficult, (which i'm sure is way too often to suit him... giggles) he has a way of "guiding" me back to the place i not only want to be, but need to be.

Many times my submission is just as you said...because i feel grateful and fortunate to have someone, who listens to me and communicates with me. He never fails to amaze me.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Doesn't this thread sound like a commercial for something?

"Do you ever have those not so subbish days?" or "Sometimes you feel like a sub. Sometimes you don't."

I tend to think most of my days are those kind of days. *ggls* Good communication is key, and having a perceptive Dom who knows when to put the pressure on and when to let up has brought me a long way.

[Talia]

Lately, I can't beleive you much I do NOT want to submit. Some of you know I am going through a very rough divorce, a custody battle from hell, and a hell of a lot of other factors in there to. Somedays, I am so overwhelmed with life that I don't want to submit. Other times, I crave it. For Master to take over and lead in the direction i need to go.

As to what Ozzy said, there are time when I need for Master to take back rather than back off. Then there are times when I need him to back off and stay off for a little while. Mostly depends on what has my upset that will determine this.

Does a submissive feel submissive all the time. Hell I sure hope not. A submissive needs to be unsubmissve at times to keep things in balance. Some days, I am in comando role when I am doing things around the house or that require a more assertive role. But when with Master, submissiveness comes naturally. That's not to say, there aren't times when I haven't gotten unsubmissive with him. A time or two I have had to more assertive in my desires and feelings so Master can understand what is going on with me. Then he is better able to understand me.

[babygirlblue]

Short Answer: Yes.
Long Answer: Yes and No. Yes, because sometimes being the servant and person that makes them happy can be irritation and sometimes not balanced. No, because for me personally, I was raised submissve. I don't let people walk all over me or anything like that. I am the one that likes to make everyone happy and help them out the best I can. I enjoy helping people and making them feel good.

[subbaby]

I guess this is what has me nervous about jumping into this life. I am so sexualy aroused by submission and not being in control, but I have all of these what ifs in my mind. What if I don't feel like it? What if I just want what I want? How can you expect the other person to know what you want when you don't know what you want?

[phantasy_seeker]

I've been having a sort of dilemma with this. Is it really submission, if you only submit when you feel like it? What sort of real power would a dom have, if the sub could break rules, or act up, and get away with it due to 'not feeling subbie'? Could there be exceptions for certain circumstances? What circumstances?

I'm really interested in how others work this out.