Does anyone here question BDSM?

[WyldWyl]

In a curious coincidence, there was a brief article in one of todays newspapers (Sunday Age, for any Melbourne/Victorian readers) suggesting that at least in the case of men, engagement in BDSM activities correlates well to increased scores in psychological happiness. The support was there, although not as strong for women, as well.

So, maybe might be veering towards yes.

[nk_lion]

Duktig, thank you for bringing this topic up. Even though I figured a lot out on the boards, this one really hit the nail with some lingering questions.

Initially, when I started lurking in these boards, I realised that the subs were more then happy being in a D/s relationship. To some it was erotic/exciting, to others, it provided a neat structure with strict guidelines in their life.

But I still never completely understood why. Why would someone endure certain things like spanking or humiliation. At this point, I knew I was really interested in BDSM, but had no interest in being a sub, as well, I wasn't comfortable taking complete charge of someone else like the doms on these boards. Later I realised I am probably a switch, and most if not all questions I had about D/s relationships made a lot more sense.

So to give you a perspective on relationships on both sides from the same peron, I can tell you that on certain times, I love to be able to give away power to someone else, and on during other time, having someone else under my control. It's an undescribable feeling.

On a side note, how is BDSM the same as a normal relationship? One is based on inequality while the other is based on equality. I don't see the parallel.

I get where you're coming from, but it would come down to what is equality specifically mean for someone. I'm sure that someone in a vanilla relationship would think that some subs here have completely given up certain rights as a human. But while there might be an absence of certain 'equalities' like final say on decisions, etc. it is replaced by completely adoration of doms to their sub, and amazing trust.

[thelypthoric]

I ask myself this all the time.

I've been involved in my local BDSM community for about 5 years, and the question comes up now and then (usually with the attitude of "how could they possibly think there's something wrong with me"). Honestly, when I hear hostility towards the mere mention of the thought, I think people are afraid to analyze something that really, should be analyzed.

* A prior history of abuse, especially among females, is rampant in the BDSM community. Perhaps as one poster suggested, its just as common in the vanilla world. My gut tells me that the rate is truely much higher than society at large.

* A large segment of society thinks our behaviors are "sick". Of course, the community argues (and I agree) that our lifestyle is merely misunderstood and we're really the upstanding members of society that live next door to them (but then again, that's also true of child molesters). Isn't the "misunderstood" lines what child molesters, thieves, Enron execs, and other malevolent members of society claim, too? Are we deluding ourselves like the heroin addicts who can "stop at any time"?

* Most of the behaviors that we fantasize and act out would be serious felonies in the real world. Others point out that everyday people fantasize about horrific acts too. I'll admit, especially when I see some 'foolproof' plan, my first thought is how I might defraud/defeat it. But the difference is, the defrauding remains a whimsical musing. In contrast, I actively seek out partners to perform BDSM on.

At the end of the day, I'm troubled by the fact that the crazy person is not the best judge of whether they are crazy or not.

In considering the above, there's two things that let me sleep at night:
1.) She likes it too, and we're happy. Its been my experience that BDSM relationships are deeper and more fulfilling than vanilla ones.

2.) I don't know anyone personally who's left the lifestyle and has "been cured" and came back and warned the community what they did was wrong. That can't be said of a lot of the groups that use the "misunderstood" line.