The Q&A Thread

[silver9]

This is a thread for any new subs who want to ask questions and see if any of the more experienced members can help out and answer it in any way!

Just an idea I had cos I know there's plenty of questions I have

[silver9]

To start it off, just wondering how hard it is to manage BDSM with a family; and not just children, with your parents and other siblings as well.

How much do you tell any of them and do your kids know or have they asked about your lifestyle?

[gemmy]

I think this runs along the same answer from a thread called "trusting vanillas" by icey

Most of the people around me have an idea but I don't go into detail, nor would I about my sex life to anyone who didn't want to know

My daughter (14) on the other hand knows entirely about the lifestyle and my wants, it's not something I would hide from her but also won't put in her face either same as I wouldn't put ANY kind of sexual act in her face, or anyone else's for that matter. I just don't lie to my daughter and it's the only reason she knows - she's a very mature child and knew almost as much about it as I did when we sat down and talked about it last year lol

[silver9]

My daughter (14) on the other hand knows entirely about the lifestyle and my wants, it's not something I would hide from her but also won't put in her face either same as I wouldn't put ANY kind of sexual act in her face, or anyone else's for that matter. I just don't lie to my daughter and it's the only reason she knows - she's a very mature child and knew almost as much about it as I did when we sat down and talked about it last year lol

wow, you've got a really clever daughter there I would never have figured all that out at 13

[Isabella King]

I think this runs along the same answer from a thread called "trusting vanillas" by icey

Most of the people around me have an idea but I don't go into detail, nor would I about my sex life to anyone who didn't want to know

My daughter (14) on the other hand knows entirely about the lifestyle and my wants, it's not something I would hide from her but also won't put in her face either same as I wouldn't put ANY kind of sexual act in her face, or anyone else's for that matter. I just don't lie to my daughter and it's the only reason she knows - she's a very mature child and knew almost as much about it as I did when we sat down and talked about it last year lol

I hit the quote button wanting to criticise you for exposing your daughter to this but between that and beginning to type my reply, I decided that, at that age, I knew what I was...so, is it in the genes?

[mysc]

I have a six year old who knows nothing yet, and I raise her as if I would live a "normal" lifestyle. I don't or would never confrontate her with my sexual desires, but we are open about everything. She's open about her feelings now (as we are too), and I hope that will stay that way in the future.

Now with parents.. they don't know a thing and I really would like to keep it that way. They are not open to alternative lifestyles and have a very clear opinion about everything that's out of the ordinary (to them).

With friends we are discrete as well, we have a few who know about it and don't have a problem with it at all. Some don't know and don't have to know. Before we go out with a group we both agree upon some rules (or if we feel like doing anything at all). These rules are mostly simple, with some codewords (like him disagreeing with what I order could be "neh are you really buying that?"). And sometimes I wear my cuffs under my clothes as a reminder.

So that's how we combine it all.

[mysc]

I knew what I was...so, is it in the genes?

You know what Isabella, that's what I've been wondering as well.. because even tho we are very discrete and hiding everything that can point towards BDSM (toys, books, dvd's) my daughter is obsessed with rope and spanking. And no I've never ever spanked my girl in my life, but she wants me to spank her for fun (not hard of course lol). If she finds some rope she will tie everything and anything up.
It's so weird to see that in her.

[gemmy]

I hit the quote button wanting to criticise you for exposing your daughter to this but between that and beginning to type my reply, I decided that, at that age, I knew what I was...so, is it in the genes?

I have spoken openly and plainly about sex to my daughter since she was six and started asking questions - there is no reason to lie to a child except to 'protect' them which in fact only 'smothers' them.

I've raised my child to be able to be a strong, confident, INDEPENDANT person and I've always treated her like an adult - something she often thanks me for today and in return, I have her complete respect and honesty as well.

The BDSM aspect only came about because she asked me - she is an artist (attends a private fine arts school) and studies independantly on Japanese Anime which we all know is heavily laden with BDSM - the fact that she inquired intelligently about it makes me proud I've always been open with her.

Also, educating her about sex means she doesn't view it as some big 'taboo' to rebel against - she will make informed, educated choices when the time comes and that I'll not regret for one second

P.S. she only just turned 14 on Saturday so when we first had the discussion she would have still only been 12ish

[crazy_grrluk]

my kids know more than I do...I swear it!!!!

so far I have managed to keep that side of me away from th kids and my parents would have a fit if they ever knew lol.

but for as far as managing with all these family members it is quite easy.... just none of the "physical" stuff when they are around.

cg

[Sir_Russell]

Its a hard path to follow hiding it from the kids for their sake. I know I lost a slave that way and my family so I am not sure that protecting the kids to that point is right. I agree that it should never be an in their face act but I think kids can understand and if mommy and daddy are happy then their life is better.

[gemmy]

Its a hard path to follow hiding it from the kids for their sake. I know I lost a slave that way and my family so I am not sure that protecting the kids to that point is right. I agree that it should never be an in their face act but I think kids can understand and if mommy and daddy are happy then their life is better.

Exactly and children are far more resiliant than anyone gives them credit for

[tydnchaynz{NSXX}]

My children are almost grown at ages 18 and 15 now. Those of you who know me know that my sons are my "mini-Doms". Their father died in an auto accident when they were very young, so we have a very close relationship. I have spoken openly with them about sex since they were 11 or 12. i don't flaunt my choices in their faces, but i have raised them to understand that just because someone makes different choices than they would, no matter what area of life it's in, does not make that person wrong. I am proud to say they are very open-minded, non-critical children and come to me with everything they want to know about.

As for parents and/or other friends, i believe i stated in another post that they are on a *need to know* basis. Not everyone has to know what it is that i need. If you think about it, you don't normally go around chatting about your sex life with your parents, be it vanilla or other (or at least i don't). So i don't see the need to tell them what happens with me behind closed doors.

To those of you with younger children, i'm a firm believer that if children are raised seeing you act a certain way, to them, it becomes *normal* and not something they think about. If it concerns you, do what most parents end up doing.........rent a hotel room when you can to keep them from hearing the screams, moans, sighs, smacks, begging......whew, almost got lost there for a minute .....hehehehehe