faking it

[Pearlgem]

We've all read the stories; many of us have written them..... No matter the circumstances - romance, rape, bastards/nice guys, cruelty, gags, hoods and handcuffs - eventually her body will betray her and she'll cum! Okay, I know they're only fantasies but wouldn't it be nice...if it were that bloody easy?
I get excited at the thought of time with my Master - the vulnerability, the edgy excitement, the sheer intensity of it all and I most certainly get all excited and wet, but I don't come that easily. Do you? Honestly? Always? Have you ever faked it, perhaps for the usual vanilla reasons - to reward effort, to please him, to bring to a conclusion something you know's not quite going to work? Is this a terrible BDSM crime or something that happens more than we care to admit?

[shyslut]

Vanilla I used to fake alot. When I got up the nerve to ask hubby to play with me and realized he liked it too. I hardly come from intercourse but now I do def cum every time and dont have to fake it. As far as bdsm goes I find it alot easier to cum and so far have not faked it.

[tired.of.vanilla{DJ}]

*grins* i am one of those girls..i cum easily and often...so no need to fake anything when i can have the real thing very quickly. *blush*

[Pearlgem]

C'mon, c'mon, let's hear from the girls who'll admit to it!

[blythe spirit]

*raises hand* I'll admit it! I faked it all the time. lol

In the "vanilla" world men would do that foreplay thingie that left me absolutely cold. You'd think they'd know when a pussy is dry, the women is not too thrilled, but I really don't think they cared. So, I sighed a ho hum and told 'em to hurry up and be done with it. B O R I N G!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're not in my head, you've missed my errogenous zone.

[Laila]

I used to fake a lot when I was younger and in vanilla relationships. I was just too shy and not comfortable enough to communicate what I needed - even in a vanilla way. And then of course I am one of these women who has a hard time cumming in general. God how i envy these girls who don't.

But with my former Master I never have. He once told me that in a D/s relationship, the thing he likes about it most is that it is formed on a much deeper honesty... and I think so too. At least from me to him, I have no idea about the other way but if he asks me if I came I tell him the truth and at the start I always apologised when I didn't cum when he wanted me to - but he made me feel comfortable and its getting better and easier. And no more faking and no more guilt. Yay.

lol of course the whole relaxing my deepest fantasies has a part in that. Admittedly more an emotional part but that's more than I could ask for anyway.

[Ozme52]

If you fake it... how can I figure out something better?

Some things are worth learning... even if I have to do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again to get it right.

[Pearlgem]

Okay, just supposing (hypothetically) a gal faked it once, maybe twice tops, for the best of intentions and thus found herself in a bit of a cul de sac of admittedly her own making. What's a girl to do apart from 'fess up and risk her Master being very annoyed with her?

PS Not necessarily talking personally here.

[Ozme52]

Fess up, explain why, accept the consequences, and don't do it again.

There is no other option other than keep it to yourself (and don't do it again.)

[good_girl]

If you're not in my head, you've missed my errogenous zone.

I like this, it's so true, not to say I can't get aroused from just the physical, I simply don't stay aroused.

I have never faked an orgasm since bdsm but I will admit to faking the intensity of it. Sometimes a girl is just rundown or whatever, if he's given me his all, I want desperately to give it back, if an intense orgasm is what he wants then I will be a bit more dramatic than how I really feel.

[blythe spirit]

If you fake it... how can I figure out something better?

Some things are worth learning... even if I have to do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again to get it right.

Fess up, explain why, accept the consequences, and don't do it again.

There is no other option other than keep it to yourself (and don't do it again.)

Ummmm - I'm thoroughly confused. lol Seems your two statements are contradictory, or am I just tired?

[Ozme52]

Tired blythe.

In the first, I am practicing and practicing giving orgasms...

In the second, I'm saying don't fake it again.

[fetishdj]

I am with Oz on this - faking it is a bad precedent to set and it does not allow the man to learn how to do it properly. I can understand the reasons for doing it but the short term goals (of rewarding effort, stopping him from poking around in the wrong places and possibly making you feel uncomfortable) are far outweighed by the long term reward of training him to do it properly. That old bugbear of communication comes into it once again. You really need to talk to him and tell him where and what to put his fingers and tongue. And if he is not using his fingers or tongue then tell him to do so because it is one of the easiest ways to achieve an orgasm.

I've said it before on these forums - every woman is different and that includes the things she finds arousing. In any relationship, no matter how many previous relationships you have had, there is always going to be a period where you have to adjust your technique to suit the new person. Trial and error is the only way to do this and sometimes you get it right straight away. Other times you can fumble about for years and not achieve anything other than making her go dry and irritable. It helps us a great deal and is not a slight on our fragile male egos if women tell us what we are doing right and what we are doing wrong.

Of course, I am not sure how this would work in a BDSM relationship when you may be gagged when he is doing his fumbling...

[lucy]

Ok, i confess: I faked it quite often when i was in vanilla relationships. And i did once with my Master, felt bad about it, told him, faced the consequences (which were dire, i might add ) and don't do it again. If it doesn't work, it doesn't. That doesn't mean it's his fault, nor mine. Sometimes it just doesn't work for me. But sex can be great without it ending with an orgasm. Although there's no denying that it's nicer when it does

To general faking and how often it is done by girls and perceived (or rather not perceived) by guys: A couple of years ago there was a satirical (based on facts, tho) show by a German psychologist. In the first half the couples sat side by side, in the second half the woman sat on the left side of the room, the men on the right.
It was then when he asked the guys to hum when they think that their partner had ever faked an orgasm. There was a barely audible hum.
Then he asked the girls to hum, if they had ever faked it. The result was HUMMMM.

[lucy]

Of course, I am not sure how this would work in a BDSM relationship when you may be gagged when he is doing his fumbling...

lol, there are nonverbal means of communication, you know. But they require a little bit more attention on the fumblers' side

[fetishdj]

Yeah, well, when I am focussed on the (very small) target we have to aim for I usually can't pay attention to non verbal cues

It is totally unfair - we make it very easy for you and can't fake it (without the use of a talented special effects team and some uncomfortable tubing)

[lucy]

Yeah, well, when I am focussed on the (very small) target we have to aim for I usually can't pay attention to non verbal cues

yeah, large targets rock

[shayna{L_D}]

i have faked it so many times in a vanilla setting. I have a problem with cumming period, its never happened, i get close but just never happenes. So i have faked it so many times in a vainlla setting its not even flippin funny. Did they notice, nope. Did they ask if i came? Yes. Did i lie? Of course. No one wants to hear 'no i didnt cum' that to me would feel like a slap in the face.

I have never had a real life Master before, so i couldnt fake it with them. Would i want to? No, that would bring on punishement i am sure of that. It would be, and should be something my Master and i can work through, together (getting me to cum).

Is it right to lie to someone about that kinda stuff, either vanilla or bdsm? I think that its more accepted in the vanilla world becuase some guys just dont care, they are in and out and dont give a damn about what the girl wants and or whatnot. Maybe i just havent been in the best sexually relationships, but i'd lie in a heartbeat if it was vanilla, i would never want to hurt someones feelings like that. BDSM, that would bring on punishment that i dont think ill willing to handle, plus trust and honesty will get you a lot further then being dishonest. That goes for both settings; vanilla and or bdsm, but immore likely not to lie to my Master, since after all he is my Master.

[Flaming_Redhead]

I don't cum easily. I faked it all the time when I was married so he'd hurry up and get the hell off of me. *lol* When I started a BDSM relationship, I was amazed that I had an orgasm the first time we had sex. Of course, I was disappointed when it didn't always happen. I faked it sometimes because I was "this" close and just couldn't, even though he was doing the same thing that got me off before. Then, he got smart. He made me tell him when I was cumming, and I'm a terrible liar so......I had to start telling him when I couldn't. Seriously, I don't know how that man managed to hold off as long as he did....heh heh heh. Anyway, I now have no problem telling someone when it's just not working.

[Pearlgem]

That's the thing, isn't it, at least if the guy cares about you . . . getting so close but just not there especially when he's doing the same thing that worked last time. There's very little you can do to make it happen so the temptation beckons . . .
I admit I spent decades of my life not being able to orgasm until one day (it was March 3rd 19--) it built - and spilled! Hooray! (Funny, I'd just been in the AOL Submissives' Room for the first time the previous night . . .) I became an avid practitioner, honing my technique with batteries, plugs and clamps. Now the orgasms I can give myself are truly wonderful. I can control the build up deliciously, the spasm comes and I swear, if I don't remove the stimulus from my clit, my clit stays switched ON until I'm sick of pleasure. I say all this not to boast but to reassure anyone out there reading this that if you practise on yourself, get vibrating, give yourself the bondage, gagging and pain you need, enter the mindset with stories pictures, fantasies, you're bound be achieve that elusive O sometime. Don't despair, relax and enjoy in your own time.
But I also have to admit that the orgasms my Master gives me by his own hand are not so overwhelming. I don't see how they can be since I'm not the one doing the manipulation, fine-controlling my responses. But my mind is excited, my body is ready, my cunt is wet and I get a similar 'on' feeling but usually without that spasm. That's the bit I admit I fake. There, I feel better for telling you.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Of course it's easier to give yourself a big orgasm! It's a little trickier for someone else to do it. It takes me a long time to cum that way with a partner. He has to stimulate my clit with his thumb or tongue, back off, stimulate, etc., while simultaneously fingering my G-spot and my ass until his hand cramps. *lol* Anal sex and clitoral stimulation will do it for me. Asphyxiation is a sure fire way to get a scream out of me. I need to start dating an octopus. *ggls*

[blythe spirit]

I've never been shy about telling someone it's not working. They were just too stupid to get it; hence, I, like flaming redhead, just faked it so we could be done with it.

[orchidsoul]

I think that its more accepted in the vanilla world becuase some guys just dont care, they are in and out and dont give a damn about what the girl wants and or whatnot.

I'm sorry you experienced that. I think it's the same in the bdsm world though- there's selfish people in both.

I've on rare occasion faked an orgasm- but not because it didn't feel good- more so that I wasn't going to orgasm and I didn't want them to feel bad either. It was more increasing the intensity of my real moans. I have a hard time cumming and an easy time being really wet and having a wave of little mini cums. But it took me a while in life to be comfortable with the fact I don't achieve the big O easily and communicate with a partner. It was partly out of embarrassment I guess. Thought something must have been wrong since I can't orgasm from just intercourse alone.

I think that's why I'm so into the idea of forced orgasms. Maybe it would help redirect my body

[Ozme52]

Don't blame yourselves... (woot!! metaphor arriving on track number nine!!)

It's like this. Men are like little league pitchers. One good pitch is all it takes.
Women are like major league pitchers. They have to have a lot of pitches in their arsenal and it's all about the change up.

I've rarely failed to extract an orgasm because I know how and when to change it up... and I know I'm mostly pitching to their minds...

[Ozme52]

Thought something must have been wrong since I can't orgasm from just intercourse alone.

Heard that, been there, fixed it. Several times.

Again... something about the voice I guess.

[orchidsoul]

what's your phone number??

bless you for being so dedicated to the art of ladies orgasms.

[Ozme52]

what's your phone number??

bless you for being so dedicated to the art of ladies orgasms.

555-Oh Oh Oh OHHH!!!

[shayna{L_D}]

I need to start dating an octopus. *ggls*

ROFL, yes... i think so..

[Pearlgem]

Oz, do you think you could do us a favour, record a message and put it on YouTube or somewhere convenient for all us nearly-there gals ? We'll attend to the bottom half and let you deal with the top.

[Arria]

*grins hugely at Ozme* You can be so sweet.

I, too, faked almost always (yes, true) in vanilla relationships (ok, I did not have many, but one was really long).
I was far younger then. Young men are often insecure and you can NOT tell them you did not come, because they will tell you something is wrong with YOU if you didn´t!!
Either they get angry (if they don´t give a fuck about you and only think of themselves), or else they get sad and guilty (if they really love/like you and genuinely wish to please you).

The point is also that at a young age (or if you are simply inexperienced!) you cannot tell them how to do it better because you don´t know YOURSELF what would have to be different.

So. That was my vanilla life. When I got together with hubby (my first and only BDSM relationship), I was horribly nervous. I did not DARE fake an orgasm because he had a really huge LOT of women, and he can TELL if she enjoys what he´s doing, or not.
*grins*
Being nervous did not help. After a while, he asked what was up, and I told him. He then said if I kept worrying about it, I would NEVER come as nervousness does not help (so true). He assured me he would not get angry or anything, and would not blame me.
And so it happened. And the moment I lost my fear, I came like a sledgehammer.

Same thing accounts for the position 69. I used to totally hate it, because I can EITHER concentrate on the guy, OR on myself. Not both. Now the idiots I had always either yelled at me for stopping to work on their noodle when I just got a few seconds to enjoy myself - or else, they complained that I did not come (which I did not, because I tried to please THEM, goddamit!!).

So, again, explaining had to be done to hubby, because he could not believe I dislike that position actually... He simply told me that he wants to busy himself with my nether regions while I did the same to him, because he LIKES that, and he did not care if I enjoyed it or not (this was within a scene, yes, God, it made me so horny... ya, I like to be used *g*).
Guess what happened. I let myself go. And the very second I let myself go, and realized he did not complain about me stopping blowing for a few seconds while I just enjoyed myself VERY much, I was able to stop the worrying.
I very nearly fainted with that orgasm.
And I did not have such problems since.

Hummm.

Damn, now I´m horny. And hubby is on a business trip. *grumbles*