Dating 'vanilla'

[jeanne]

Good on you Jeanne. But - ummmm - didn't you have a "date" with Oz? lol

In a manner of speaking, yes she did...and I got to hear all about it. Seriously yummy!

Thanks, tessa. Then I guess this wasn't her first date in 23 + years. lol

Y'all are too funny! That lunch with Oz was not set up as a 'date'. It really was intended, on both our parts, as just a meeting between two people who barely knew each other from the library - a chance to put a face to a name, and indulge in some gossip about library folk. I wouldn't consider that a date, more of a lunch between friends. We'd had very little interaction before that day, no flirting had been going on...as you all know, Oz is a grand flirt and I'm not. (More so now than I was then, but still - he has me beat by a mile!)

So, even though it turned into more very quickly, I wouldn't call it a 'date'. Maybe it's just semantics.

[Ozme52]

LOL

Our lunch "date" was a date only in the fact that it occured on a date in the calendar... and was never meant to be anything other than a meet and greet.

Because of the chemistry that ensued, all that followed, the next day and 3 times more over the last year had in no way any of the trappings of a date... they were nothing less than full on bdsm scenes.

I'm glad jeanne enjoyed her subsequent first date and why not. I have no doubt she will always be mine.

[jeanne]

LOL

Our lunch "date" was a date only in the fact that it occured on a date in the calendar... and was never meant to be anything other than a meet and greet.

Because of the chemistry that ensued, all that followed, the next day and 3 times more over the last year had in no way any of the trappings of a date... they were nothing less than full on bdsm scenes.

I'm glad jeanne enjoyed her subsequent first date and why not. I have no doubt she will always be mine.

I will.

[Pearlgem]

Awww........

[blythe spirit]

If it wasn't a "date" so to speak, then I think there should be a one. Btw, who paid for lunch? roflmao!

[jeanne]

If it wasn't a "date" so to speak, then I think there should be a one. Btw, who paid for lunch? roflmao!

I did. So there!

(I respect someone who doesn't indulge in the 'who's going to pay argument'. If one person offers, my rule is to say thank you. And I expect the same when I offer. )

[blythe spirit]

Hell, I knew you paid. And now that I know how you think, I wanna have lunch with you, too. lol

[StormKat]

For those of you who are single and either Dom or sub...do you date 'vanilla'? And if you do, how does that work? Do you at some point tell the other person who you really are, or just keep it to yourself and get those needs met elsewhere?

I've not actually been out on a real date in years, probably close to 10 - usually just catch a flick or dinner or drinks with friends or some of the guys from work, hook up with a couple of friends that are in the "with benefits" category. That's pretty much my comfort zone... But later this month, I'll be spending the weekend with a guy, who as far as I know is of the vanilla variety. He's someone I've worked with on a couple of projects but quite definitely far enough outside of my organization to not involve any potential job complications should it not go well. He did entice me with hockey tickets - how can I say no to that?? It does feel very strange, even just to contemplate, an actual date weekend. Even with a very nice successful professional guy who doesn't still live in his parents' basement! But I figure that I've really got nothing to lose but a bit of time and if I don't like it, well, I can always leave. And it totally beats having to spend time with my family!!

[wonderworld]

Hi, I have finally decided to take this real life, after more than a year of reading and chatting and learning about myself and the lifestyle... Figuring out what I want and need. I had come to the conclusion vanilla dating wasnt ever going to work for me. It was juat a matter of accepting this and moving forward. There are dating bdsm sites that will help you meet someone near you if you choose... its not a walk in the park to find someone suitable.... I'm very glad I did though. For me it has basically been like vanilla dating, only a big issue is out of the way from the beginning. It's also been very relieving to not have to deal with frustrating vanilla dating issues. I feel like I'm on track to find what I really need. It took a while. I found extreme patiece and solid common sense are crucial. Good luck!

[wonderworld]

one more thing I have found... there are some very dominant guys in vanilla world... some that are dominant in general, but not in a sexual way... vice versa... There are some self proclaimed "Doms" in bdsm world that do not seem Domly to me... I dont seem submissive to most of them... what I'm saying is, for me, I still have to do the dating dance.

But I dont feel bad anymore for being confusing to some vanilla guy and not being able to explain what went wrong... hurting someone's feelings... I hated it. Relief!! Finally!!

It helped that I took some time to figure out what I thought would work for me and am finally ok with that. The hard part then became- where are they?? Now its back to the wining and dining that I so love!! I am a woman. I need food, water, compliments, and wine! Not WHINE.... I highly recommend taking this to real life if that is what you want. JUST BE CAREFUL. Be careful. And then be more careful...
Its so nice to be nervous on dates again! Well... some of them...

[jeanne]

Its so nice to be nervous on dates again! Well... some of them...

Amen!

Now that I've been on a couple of non-vanilla dates and become more involved in my local BDSM community, I've decided that I'm not interested in dating vanilla. At least not for right now. I have limited time for dating and don't want to waste that time on dates with people that I highly doubt are Dominant. And I'm most definitely not interested in "growing a Dom" out of a vanilla guy. Tried that and swore never again.

And underneath it all...I'm just a greedy, greedy girl.

[tessa]

Hell, I knew you paid. And now that I know how you think, I wanna have lunch with you, too. lol

All you are imagining...and so much more.

And underneath it all...I'm just a greedy, greedy girl.

LW

[jeanne]

LW

I've decided I prefer LS, chickie!

[tessa]

I've decided I prefer LS, chickie!

~hands you a dictionary/thesaurus~

Semantics, shemantics.

[thewhiterabbit]

I date vanilla frequently and am currently in a 1+ year vanilla relationship, hoping that'll change by Christmas (the pure vanilla part anyways). I think with my personality it takes a special kind of guy to get along with me seeing as how I am so dominant in my day to day life. It's quite the challenge, finding a Dom who doesn't mind being bossed around. Half of the time my vanilla relationships lead into good switch ones anyways. The ones that don't, don't last. While I don't need a 24/7 lifestyle I do need my partner to throw me a bone every now and again- keeps me from starving.

[shayna{L_D}]

For those of you who are single and either Dom or sub...do you date 'vanilla'? And if you do, how does that work? Do you at some point tell the other person who you really are, or just keep it to yourself and get those needs met elsewhere?

im a submissive, who has dated vanilla after a bdsm relationship. Lets just say that it sucks! But when you really like the person you are willing to put those "naughty" thoughts on the back burner, for now. I dated two people who were vanilla after my first bdsm relationship. I kept it a secret that i was into bdsm to them both until i felt like we were in the right place in our relationship to let the cat outa the bag so to speak. They were both okay with it (let me point out, i didnt date them at the same time.) or so they said. Nothing ever came of the bdsm conversation we had. I wasnt being tied up, spanked or anything of that nature. So instead of being stuck in those relationships, i broke them off. Did i like them? Yes. Could i be with them for a long period of time without ANY bdsm involved? I think not.

[crystalmoon]

After a couple of relationship with Dom’s that didn’t work out my sub friend met her partner no a vanilla web site. She really liked him and started dropping hints from a very early stage in the relationship, I think on the first date she said how she liked strong decisive men, gradually dropping more hints and seeing how he responded, then showing him web sites etc . Now he’s her Dom and they are very happy. So it can work, I think she got it spot on if you go out with someone vanilla for a long time then suddenly drop the bomb shell its going to be a lot harder.

[fallenangel42]

Not every relationship that starts out vanilla necessarily stays that way. When i first started seeing my ex-fiance he was totally vanilla, although vaguely dominant insofar as he always chose position etc.

After we'd been sleeping together for a few weeks i casually suggested a little soft bondage to 'spice things up' and gradually drip-fed the bdsm into our relationship from there (just because i'm a sub doesn't mean i can't be a manipulative little girl....)

He is now a poly with (at last count) 3 subs to his name, and is into things that i wouldn't even contemplate. Sadly we didn't work out but we are still close, and i was proud to have him as my Dom - training can work both ways

That's not to say everyone has a hidden inner Dom(me) or sub, but it can certainly be worth a try if you think the other aspects of the relationship have potential

[angelic.zest]

i acturally dont mind, ive been out on dates, vanilla and bdsm related type dates. Ive gone out with Dominants in a vanilla setting, because we werent in a dungeon or play party or munch. I dont think i could do another vanilla relationship so what would be my point in dating a vanilla man? There is a vanilla man who wants to get closer to me, become abit more then i would like, hes a sweet man but not something i am looking for in a partner. My Daddy is very Dominant, we have our ups and down but our foundation besides trust, communication and all that good shit, is D/s. I am his sweet little submissive while hes my sweet Daddy. I dont think i could ever go with a vanilla man but never say never. I know what i want and what i am looking for, and if that person doesnt hold any of those qualities then i know it wont work, because i will get bored and i know i me..