Getting "too close" (HELP PLEASE!)

[M.Bain]

Hello everyone. I am new to this sight and am here for basically one purpose and one purpose only. I am A Dom, and my "Pet" and I have a very solid, understanding, trusting "Dom-Pet" relationship. However, Recently I've been finding myself....almost too engrossed in her personal life. I think about her constantly and I get jealous when she talks privately with other men. I've told her about this, as we've agreed that we need to share every and all concerns about our relationship, and she's also dropped a bomb on me. She confessed that she has deeper feelings for me, then just her Master. I, likewise, realized that I too am developing extreme emotions towards her. The problem is, she is involved with someone else. I need to know the best course of action, if any of you have any help for me. Please.....I don't want to lose her as my "Pet"....or as a close dear friend.

[Ozme52]

What? You are jealous of her and her activities but are uncomfortable that she likes you too much? That's your bomb?

You want her to be your friend, to play with, to keep under your control, but to distance yourself emotionally?

What makes you think this is the place to come to learn cruelty?

I ... am here for basically one purpose and one purpose only.

Not to mention your pre-stated intention to abandon us too... once you've gotten your answer.

[M.Bain]

What? You are jealous of her and her activities but are uncomfortable that she likes you too much? That's your bomb?

You want her to be your friend, to play with, to keep under your control, but to distance yourself emotionally?

What makes you think this is the place to come to learn cruelty?



Not to mention your pre-stated intention to abandon us too... once you've gotten your answer.

Look....I do not want to get off on the wrong foot here. I respect this community just as I would any other BDSM community around. Maybe I was unclear......What exactly did you not understand?

[_ID_]

You're falling love, but she's committed to someone else already. Is that the gist of it?

I suggest she leaves her involved relationship, or you learn to cope. If you can't get over your jealousy issues the relationship is doomed to failure.

Just an FYI, that isn't a BDSM or kink question, it's a question any vanilla relationship can have, and often do.

[denuseri]

First of all...is this an online or a real life relationship?

[M.Bain]

First of all...is this an online or a real life relationship?

Real life.....I don't think I could do the online thing.

[denuseri]

Ok. I take it you do not share a residence or cohabitate then?

She is "involved" with another. If so in what capacity?

[Archeon]

there is 2 very strong schools of thought on these sorts of things. My personal view is that a dom/sub relationship between two humans, is going to result in emotional attachment to one another and actually makes everything stronger. The obvious problem here is that she is involved with someone else.

What it comes down to, is if she loves you two, she needs to commit to one thing or the other. That shouldn't be something you force upon her or pressure her into, but is the way it needs to go eventually (poly with 2 doms, never good!)

Regards,

Arch

[Jennifer Williams]

Does this third person know about you? Of course you're going to be jealous, it sounds to me as if you think that being in a Dom/sub relationship is not the same as being "involved" with someone- yes it is! Even more so. She can't be with two people (unless all three parties are aware of the situation and fully consent to it, which is not what this sounds like to me). Basically, she's got to choose who she's with, and if she's keeping you a secret from some other lover then you're HER mistress, because she's cheating on someone with you.

[M.Bain]

Does this third person know about you? Of course you're going to be jealous, it sounds to me as if you think that being in a Dom/sub relationship is not the same as being "involved" with someone- yes it is! Even more so. She can't be with two people (unless all three parties are aware of the situation and fully consent to it, which is not what this sounds like to me). Basically, she's got to choose who she's with, and if she's keeping you a secret from some other lover then you're HER mistress, because she's cheating on someone with you.

Thank you thank you THANK YOU.
The situation has some to an end recently. Sadly she is no longer my Pet, however we are still goood friends.
THANK YOU to all who have helped me. And no, I'm not leaving as I've previously stated. I'm sticking around because of the people that have given their advice and helped me through this.

Best wishes,
Bain

[Jennifer Williams]

So glad we were able to help! I hope that you find a person who can be a properly devoted pet in the future. Just remember that even with BDSM, the rules of relationships still apply. If you feel unhappy, then something isn't right and you need to be able to talk about it with your partner, whatever the "thing" is doesn't matter.