How to be safe?

[Ozme52]

No I agree its not all that wise to run off with someone one just met.

Except for me... but I can give "just met" references.

[VaAugusta]

One girl that I met in real life told her safe call person that she met me from a dating site, which I kinda hated because, frankly, dating sites are the last refuge for people who can't do anything in real life. She didn't mention it was a kink-related one of course. I hated it because if I ended up meeting her roomate, I'd be a guy from a dating site. Yuck. But it does help to explain WHY so many precautions are being taken, at least.

People feel more comfortable once they finally meet in person. That's why vanilla encounters have such a high rate of success. You can usually tell if someone is a weirdo off the bat. And of course, before people come flying in with: "They could seem normal until they have you tied up1!!!!!" There might be someone who appears all normal but is secretly a serial killer.

If you happen to run into her, then you were probably fated to die. Sorry, luck was against you!

[thir]

One girl that I met in real life told her safe call person that she met me from a dating site, which I kinda hated because, frankly, dating sites are the last refuge for people who can't do anything in real life. She didn't mention it was a kink-related one of course. I hated it because if I ended up meeting her roomate, I'd be a guy from a dating site. Yuck. But it does help to explain WHY so many precautions are being taken, at least.

I kind of have the same feeling, I do not like to say that I have met people on a site/add somewhere.

But I am working with it, because it really isn't true that dating sites are the last refuge. If we all lived in a small village and had time on our hands, we would run into other people naturally. But things are not very natural any more. We move in narrow circles, often with very little time to see other people than our co-workers or whatever. The natural societies of the past are not here anymore, and in the course of your life you do not have much chance to see anyone, especially if you do not like cafees or bars or the like, or do not have loads of time for various organisations and meetings.

So you have to do something else, and the really sad thing would be to sit in a room and do nothing!

I think these times can be described as times of emigration: people meet each other over the net, fall in love on the net, and eventually meet and get married. It is a mind-to-mind meeting, with cluttering social signals out of the way. I live in UK, come from Denmark, have a sister in Sweden. MyLord have family in Scotland, US and Australia. My sister's friend's daughter lives in Australia, and they have to meet in Thailand for family gatherings. And I could go on.

All of which is just to underline that meeting on the net is natural.

All the same, a partner should not be more free with information than you are comfortable with. On general pronciple.

[ar1]

One girl that I met in real life told her safe call person that she met me from a dating site, which I kinda hated because, frankly, dating sites are the last refuge for people who can't do anything in real life. She didn't mention it was a kink-related one of course. I hated it because if I ended up meeting her roomate, I'd be a guy from a dating site. Yuck. But it does help to explain WHY so many precautions are being taken, at least.

I have to say I'm with you on this one too... A few weeks ago I brought up the topic of dating sites with some friends and they all looked horrified at the thought of me using the internet in order to meet anyone - like you said, their view was that it was a last resort for people and I'm nowhere near needing to be at that stage. I think any mention of me meeting someone I met on a dating site would cause quite a stir, but of course if I just said I met them online that would raise a lot more questions about where exactly.

Finally debating whether to just come out with it all and confide in a close friend or two and hope that they can understand or at the very least tolerate my interest and watch my back, so to speak, if I say I'm going somewhere with someone who I've met through the internet. It's a really daunting thought though, and I'm thinking I'd rather confide in my mum than a friend who I live with, in order to still have somebody aware of what I'm doing and when as a safety measure. Of course that's a really scary thought too!

I wish I was invincible...

[VaAugusta]

Real quick retrospective thing I did...

So, for my first time meeting someone, I had given my phone number to a person I had talked to from a fetish site. We hadn't actually 'met' before, in person. Well anyways, I used that person as my safe call, guys need them too I suppose.. anyways, probably was a bad idea for a few reasons:
1) This person was like me, and doesn't want to be outed at all. If I hadn't called back, maybe the person would rather not have to explain to people how we know each other, the situation, etc.
2) This person has no reason to believe my story at all.. For all this person knows, I may have been the crazy one.

Just throwing that out there was probably a bad idear on my part.

[ar1]

Meeting a different someone for the first time tomorrow night, and am pretty excited about it :-) We've been talking for a few days online (not long at all, I know) and we've been getting on really well and seem to have quite a lot in common. We're just going to see how well we 'click' in person, and then see if there might be opportunity to have some fun together too or just remain friends. I'll be sure to tell a friend I'm meeting someone off the internet and set up a safe call or two. And if I were to go back to his house afterwards, I'll make sure to text the address to the friend before being all tied up and helpless at his!! Wish me luck :-)

[Ozme52]

So how did it go?

[ar1]

So how did it go?

:-D

That enough for you?

[Ozme52]

Of course not. Tell... reveal... divulge... blurt!

[ar1]

Of course not. Tell... reveal... divulge... blurt!

We met for a few drinks and were getting along well, and decided to go to another "cosier" bar after a few hours and got a little cosier with each other too :-) I ended up back at his and we explored a lot of the fetishes that we had already discovered we had in common, and finally fell asleep about 5.30am! I had to leave 2 hours later so left him a little message as he slept, and he text me when he woke up saying he'd had a great time and we should definitely repeat it (hurrah!). I was out of town for a few days but got back Sunday night with an invitation to join him at his for the night. I accepted, and we went on indulging in our fetishes and trying new ones together that we hadn't had time for previously! The next morning he impressed me with his guitar skills, playing for me and singing along. And we haven't had time to see each other again yet so he's set me some homework to keep me busy, hehe.

As for the fetishes themselves... if I told you, well, let's just say I'd have to find a way to silence you ;-)

[Ozme52]

As for the fetishes themselves... if I told you, well, let's just say I'd have to find a way to silence you ;-)

That's too bad... that they're sooooooooooo tame you'd fear I'd be dismissive... ;^D

But it does sound as though you've found a potential playmate, at the least, and perhaps more.
Congrats

[ar1]

That's too bad... that they're sooooooooooo tame you'd fear I'd be dismissive... ;^D

Now now, don't reduce yourself to subtle techniques such as this in an attempt to make me divulge all! ;-)

But it does sound as though you've found a potential playmate, at the least, and perhaps more.
Congrats

Hmm, it does, but this the first time I've ever done anything 'casual' with someone and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Of course if we're both having fun then that's great, and yeah in no way does it have to be serious, but I wouldn't be comfortable with being just one of a number of playmates. Guess we already need to have a talk lol! Any advice?

[Ozme52]

Depends on your relationship requirements. Just be open and communicative. Answers you don't "like" do not necessitate a change, merely introspection as to whether or not they're reasonable or consistant with your requirements as an interim step, or if more than you want, explorable. Make not snap decisions but ponder first. Don't throw any proverbial babies out with the bathwater.

PS. Subtlety wasn't my intention. I thought I was being very obvious!

[ar1]

Just be open and communicative.

Best answer there is. I guess when it comes down to it, if I'm "too" open and communicative, and end up saying things that he might not want to hear (like I can't just see someone for sex, it has to be more than that even if it's not a proper relationship) then I'm probably better off without anyway. And I overanalyse everything way too much - for all I know he could be having exactly the same worries about me as I am about him. Although that might be 90% wishful thinking...