While not technically a submissive, I cannot help but speak up.

A lack of communication, or a decline in communication, in an intimate relationship (bdsm or other) indicates some sort of rift. It can be a rift within oneself, or a rift between the lovers.

In my small experience, whenever I stopped willingly obeying a lover's requests, it meant my interest in the person was waning. Then again, I have not felt conflicted about my sexual tendencies. My choices in lovers yes; my orientation, no.

If the sub in question (getting back to the beginning) is not certain about his commitment to the "lifestyle", not certain he is comfortable with his role, it could come out as not feeling like submitting. You would think after two years, he would know, but who can guess? He may just need some time off to sort it out. If it is really his nature and need to submit, he would soon return to doing so. If the relationship itself is heathy and full, he should be able to get back in line, better and more committed than before.

Reminds me of some advice from a wise friend, very experienced Dom, he told me if you want to test and see if a lover is really submissive, stop dominating. Refuse to. As soon as he stops submitting. No spanky spanky, no mind fuck, no twist and tie, not mean but just not bdsm. If he is a sub at heart, he will be frustrated by this, and you will know if it's possible to dominate. If he prefers the nilla treatment, no frustration, he is not really very submissive. This seems like it could be true for some people.

Now, as far as 'training' goes, this sort of set up, a relationship based on training, seems to be a different sort of submission than a real love submission. I say this because I have recently experienced the difference.

The difference (for me) is this- it is now most important for me, for my happiness, to do as he asks, to do it well, and without much resistance (he likes a little resistance). I have not been trained because I could never submit without a feeling of love. I have tried. It left me feeling like there was something missing, didn't do it for me.

Why do I feel so submissively commited to this man? Because I am in love with him, and he is satisfying my sexual needs. Before I admitted to myself that I was in love, before I let myself start this delicious free fall, I could not manage to follow his wishes with the accuracy and feeling of submission I am currently experiencing.

He is very patient.

I am also in love with a girl, we have been friends for a couple of years, and she has a deep need to be dominated (by me, it seems), when with her, I am definately dominant. I also feel a great satisfaction when she gets what she needs from me. This has not become sexual, but it is exhibiting signs of heading that way. I can only think of continuing to see where this might go because He approves.

Perhaps some folks can be satisfyed with a more clinical approach to sex, personally, I cannot do this. It is much more intense, captivating and exciting if there is the chemistry and depth and commitment of love. The feeling is different than a physical reaction to sex. I honestly don't see how a sincere training could occur without love, if not at the beginning, at the completion.

I agree with the well spoken moptop, that submission is not complete without the heart.

As long as the hearts are ensnared, the rest will work itself out. Even if it means stopping the intimate part of the relationship. If a person stop being into it, well, real, mature love says fine, your not into it, I love you anyway. Go find your happiness. Otherwise, it seems dominance might become bullying.

I am such a hopeful romantic.

I also agree with moptop's 'talk,talk' policy, but when one shuts off emotionally from a lover, it is hard to keep a good communication going. If I am not comfortable emotionally with a lover, I cannot explain what is going on inside me. If I am conflicted inside, and not walled off emotionally, it could take a bit of prodding, but love and good feelings of friendship would work to a Dom's advantage to find out what is going on. It might have nothing to do with sex.

Keep in mind, I tend not to complain. I remove myself from bad situations if I can, I don't keep brooding over it.

This is all my opinion, I would expect everyone to think for themselves and not take this as a criticism or personal attack on anyone's lifestyle choices, nor do I encourage everyone to try it my way. Every person has their path; mine is certainly not for everyone.

BP