I have some information here that may be of some help, I orginally read the info and add my experince and history to it, to serve my needs for training and mentoring Dominants and submissives in the lifestyle.
"Take what you need and Leave the Rest"

TRAINING VS ROMANCE


This idea suggests the somewhat radical
concept that what a submissive does actually
matters.
There is a fallacy at work, a double
standard. This somewhat confusing situation
comes from fear and insecurity. Conventional
wisdom suggests that the only proper and
acceptable place for disapproval is play in that
actual disapproval could cause such damaging
emotional consequences, that, like liquid
oxygen, it should never be handled by laymen.
Somehow, submissives have become such fragile
creatures that any hint of genuine disapproval
or displeasure is as dangerous as a
sledgehammer. Expectations are possibly lethal.
If there can be no disapproval, there can be
no evaluation. If I cannot evaluate the
performance of a trainee, than what she does
doesn’t actually matter. Pass or fail, good or
bad, she gets a pat on the head, praise and
attention. Which means that the praise is empty,
and therefore worthless as is any reward
garnered for said "performance". Which renders
both Trainer and trainee empty, worthless
playacting at best, bitterly compromised and
frustrated at worst.
As a trainee, a submissive, a slave would you
really want your efforts to mean nothing? Would
you want your Master’s praise and approval to
mean nothing? Would an empty compliment for a
half hearted job be enough? For most, the answer
seems to be "Yes." Not here. Not ever. But to
strive for praise which means something, a risk
has to be taken. The risk of failure. The
specter of failure looms so high and dark in the
minds and hearts of some applicants that they
shut their eyes and settle for mediocre
existence’s. No real authority, no real service,
no real achievement. A trainee has to
risk disapproval, disappointment, and shame…
because what she does matters.
Training vs. Romance
I know it sounds harsh and it was meant to.
But it’s an important idea to address up front.
Many people cannot understand submission
without love. That’s fine, Training is not for
everyone. Neither is the Army. But both the
Trainer and the Army have certain ideas in
common. Standards are not compromised by
affection. It is hard to express dissatisfaction
with someone with whom you are in love. The
temptation to compromise is a hard one to
resist. And when you love someone, you are
tempted to bend over backwards in order to keep
them, in order to get them not to leave. This
puts the power in their hands to some degree,
and creates the situation of a dominant losing
his authority in order to keep a submissive and
everything falls apart.
So we are looking back to Merit vs. Charity
again. Would a trainee rather be told she is
worthy of a collar because love happens to be
smiling on her and her Mistress? Or would she
rather know that she has it because she earned
it, and renews that privilege every day? Which
is worth more? Love is fickle. Respect is
earned.