Instead of beating yourself up mentally, you might want to congratulate yourself on using your safeword.Originally Posted by phantasy_seeker
CD - cum depraviation - is not for everyone. It might end up being a hard limit for you. If you normally relieve yourself at least once a day, it helps you sleep better at night, makes you friendly to be around, etc. then are forced for days to withold that pleasure, well.... you might not be a whole lot of fun to be around.
* winks and smiles *
You have to ask yourself if the control of your dom is more fun than getting to orgasm. Because in a ssc relationship, fun is an important part of the recipe for success.
Do you enjoy mind fucks?
That's a whole other topic for you and your dom to discuss.
About safewords:
If you want to slow down, but not stop, you might want to add more safe words. The old green, yellow and red work wonders.
With yellow being - "slow down, caution, I'm really having problems with this, etc."
If you had called a "yellow", and said, "whoa", I'm really having problems with this, I need to discuss it, would you have felt better than calling the whole thing off?
If yes, then that may be one strategy for the future.
Take care, give yourself lots of hugs and aftercare and hopefully your dom is, too.
Be prepared to experience a bit of "sub drop" and remember as other's have mentioned, hindsight is always 20/20.
I congratulate you on using your safe word.