What'd be the point of punishment then if I could disobey and then safeword if I did not like it? I need something to deter me, or some way to deter myself. That's what I need to know: how do other submissives keep themselves from taking advantage of this 'control', and truly give it all up?
Safewording as I understand it, is something that saves you from mental or physical overload. You need to let your dom know if you think things are going too far.

The thing is, though...that sometimes 'too far' IN the situation seems a lot different from what seems bearable looking back later. If it seems like you can't cope - that's where it has to end, period. Maybe, after talking about it later on, your limits and stamina will change for the next session - but that's a new situation; it shouldn't make you feel bad about safewording out of the last one.

A different thing altoghether - to me - is, when you honestly look at yourself and find that you've been toying with your dom. And I don't mean that from the 'looking back' kind of view. I mean retracing your steps in that situation and encountering thoughts of 'how far is he willing to go' or 'can I push/tease him into something else'. That would be something I'd adress if I came across it.

Somehow, from what you shared with us in your initial post, I don't think that was the case there, though. It might have been teasing initially, but when he took you up on it, it went too far for you, right? Then hell yeah, good choice to safeword out!

What deters me from abusing an option to stop play? I fear his disappointment when he finds out I'm manipulating. And yeah, he would, lol. I obviously can't lie that well...or not for very long. Oh...and I like being a sub - topping is just not my thing...not even from the bottom, lol.