A fascinating thread. It's very noticeable here and in the chatroom how many bdsmlibrary-ers have 'vanilla' spouses. Obviously it is something for each individual to wrestle with. For myself, I have been there, sneaking around online behind my long-term partner's back, rationalising it. I hated it.

I wanted to say something positive here, which is this: If your heart's desire is to live out your deep need for bondage, submission or domination... and you can't do so in your current relationship... you will probably find it unbelievably liberating to make the change in your life that allows you to do so. It's like breathing after holding your breath...