I know this is long-winded but I think it is important to differentiate between the fantasy of being the perfect "sub" (or for that matter, the perfect "Dom") and the reality of every day life - it doesn't mean you can't find ways around it and work together but the important thing is to COMMUNICATE - D. smacked my ass the other day and I snarled at him (an unusual thing for me as I ADORE my ass smacked usually) - he initially reacted angrily then sat me down and asked me what was wrong ... I had just worked 60 hours in 5 days ... I ended up bawling about how tired I was ...he ended up tucking me into bed, bringing me a hot cup of tea and then turned out the light and told me to go to sleep ... the next night, I MORE than made up for it ... grateful for his understanding and nurturing.
See now, in my humble opinion this is what it's all about, Selkie.

The Sarge is very much like this; understanding and nurturing and oh so patient. Even when I'm being difficult, (which i'm sure is way too often to suit him... giggles) he has a way of "guiding" me back to the place i not only want to be, but need to be.

Many times my submission is just as you said...because i feel grateful and fortunate to have someone, who listens to me and communicates with me. He never fails to amaze me.