Where to start

[toolongtoosoon]

I have had some light short sessions I usually end up being the one who is the dominant but I really wana be the sub however those sessions that where with girlfriends where short (20 min) and light. They didn't really get into it, it was more of just being sexy as opposed to dominating. I know I am masochistic and have quit a few kinks but to get to the point where should I start getting into all this with. I mean should I find a club or a person to show me the ropes (pun intended) I just want to get into this but none of the relationships I have had have been with dominating people or have just been with vanilla people (I think I used that term right). As you can see I'm a major newbie to the scene and somewhat young to boot but I just don't really know where to go or what to look for. I read the tips for begainers post but I could still use help. Thanks for responding.

[lily27]

toolongtoosoon,

I think you just need to take it easy and let things happen. The most important advice for someone new to the lifestyle is to not rush into anything.

I started out by becoming an active member of this community. Make friends. Get to know people. Follow your heart.

There is no "right way" to participate in BDSM. Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't know what they are talking about.

I found that I learned the most by making friends, both Tops and Bottoms. Friendships with other submissives can be just as important as a relationship with a Dom/me when you are just starting out.

When you are ready, come and stop by the chatroom. It is a great way to get to know people.

-lily

[_ID_]

Try here for your place to start.

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html#Vermont

[elyse]

you might also want to consider checking out the Academy section of the website, where there are Taskmasters who will help you explore your submissive side.

bright blessings,
elyse

[subbaby]

This is how i feel too. You're not alone. I started the acdaemy. I also jumped in too deep and then dragged myself with help back out. Play is fun, but dangerous if you don't set your ground rules and then stick to them. pushing boundries should be different than breaking them. Make sure you talk to people first. A lot of people. Don't commit too early.

[DrkRvn]

I had a similar problem for awhile until I sat down and talked wiht my husband about exactly what I wanted. As I have said many times he is the sweetest guy ever and never even ponded the idea of doing things that woudl hurt me to please me... He's slowly getting more comfortable, and it is taking a while. Are you in a relationship right now? i wasn't sure on that... But either way some people don't realize they can or enjoy dominating some one until they actually try it. If youa re in a relationship take hte time to talk about it and explain exactly what it is you want. it will probably take baby steps to get where you want it to be. If you aren't in a relationship, then maybe try looking specifically for people with that shared interest.