the beauty part of this whole lifestyle..be it online or real time..is there is no 'right' or 'wrong'..there is no 'can' or 'can't'..its just..whatever works for each individual or couple. we were once involved with a bdsm group..active members...whose illustrious self-imposed leader decided that bdsm was 'his way or no way'..and anyone that deviated from that was 'wrong'. many of the 'sheep' of the group 'baah'ed' along and agreed...we simply left. we knew that that was not the way it should be. and having spent 3 years in europe, our eyes have REALLY been opened to alternate alternates LOL we have learned that SSC comes in many many varieties. and that SSC is really a very personal and invidual issue. since there are no BDSM rulebooks *thank god*...its all about personal preferences and desires.