Fear

[Echoes]

Ozme52, Echoes, thank you for your insight and words of wisdom. I am very new to the world of bdsm and am still trying to figure out how some of my quirks may fit in with aspects of the lifestyle.

Your words, and this forum itself has proven invaluable. I'd like to thank all who have contributed to this knowledge base.

Avely

How do you mean quirks Avely?

[Avely]

How do you mean quirks Avely?

By 'quirks' I mean personal or psychological traits that (as far as I know) are rare or unique. My 'freeze' response to fear caused by certain triggers (many of which I still have yet to identify) is one of them.

[Echoes]

I have found it...

quirk (kwûrk)
n.
A peculiarity of behavior; an idiosyncrasy: “Every man had his own quirks and twists” (Harriet Beecher Stowe).
An unpredictable or unaccountable act or event; a vagary: a quirk of fate.

...all I can say is everyone has their own weaknesses and strengths, attributes to character and everyone is individual.
You gave dtp some great and wonderful advise about find the "One". Perhaps apply this possibly to aspects of the lifestyle you wish to journey and grow from there.
I know I have a certain signal before this happens to me, very subtle, my body reacts or acts, gives a signal...it is there. Do you have one, perhaps suggest to watch for it or try and recognize it yourself if possible.
I read many say it all depends on the person you are with, they would have to know, to be told...
Would someone wish to travel or endeavor a journey knowing this could and might happen, probably will? I have no idea. I hope so myself, but honestly I do not know.
I know it would take a lot of work and patience on both sides, a lot of determination and learning, knowledge.
Is it possible and probable to surpass these reactions? Yes with patience, trust and openness, again with a lot of work on both sides, understanding.
Outside of BDSM I have passed many of these by myself, and the joy and freedom it gives is surmountable.
Never ever give up hope, it all depends how much you want to move forward and by posting here tells me much. You are already asking. Your post is very intelligent and research thorough, so you know yourself, you are teaching yourself...yet there is only so much one can teach themself by themself.

I wonder to myself...dare I post this? Am I talking too much? I do not wish to assume anything or insinuate, insert...I most certainly do not know all and am learning myself a little bit more.
To answer one of your questions in your first post, it is possible, very probably actually.

softest hugs
echoes

[Avely]

You gave dtp some great and wonderful advise about find the "One". Perhaps apply this possibly to aspects of the lifestyle you wish to journey and grow from there.

The journey of discovering and exploring the lifestyle certainly is an adventure, and although it's one i've only just begun, so far it has been exciting and enjoyable.

I know I have a certain signal before this happens to me, very subtle, my body reacts or acts, gives a signal...it is there. Do you have one, perhaps suggest to watch for it or try and recognize it yourself if possible.

Definitely something I will try to look for, though I havn't noticed one yet.

Is it possible and probable to surpass these reactions? Yes with patience, trust and openness, again with a lot of work on both sides, understanding.
Outside of BDSM I have passed many of these by myself, and the joy and freedom it gives is surmountable.
Never ever give up hope, it all depends how much you want to move forward and by posting here tells me much. You are already asking. Your post is very intelligent and research thorough, so you know yourself, you are teaching yourself...yet there is only so much one can teach themself by themself.

I do indeed look forward to the day I no longer fear 'fear' itself. After reading this last quote over many times, I think you've made me realise my ultimate dilema ... this challenge may not be one that I can examine and overcome on my own.

I wonder to myself...dare I post this? Am I talking too much? I do not wish to assume anything or insinuate, insert...

Your words are wise, and I am very glad you posted them. I am greatful you are willing to share your knowledge and experience of things that I know can be difficult to remember and discuss.

softest hugs
echoes

gingerly hugs you back... softly...

Avely

[Echoes]

I know I have a certain signal before this happens to me, very subtle, my body reacts or acts, gives a signal...it is there. Do you have one, perhaps suggest to watch for it or try and recognize it yourself if possible.

Definitely something I will try to look for, though I havn't noticed one yet.

I found the best way to do this..and it will not come the first time, but journaling does help, do not avoid what has caused this reaction and examine everything closely leading up to the cause. Go over every particular detail and try to slow it down in your mind after...
The key is to slow your mind down, the chemical response and this done by being aware of yourself and finely attuned. Turn your outer hyper-vigilance into yourself and focus then work. Cognitive behavior work also (very important) The next time it happens, you will notice more until you reach a point you can react vocally, even if minutely, and react physically...giving a small signal.

I think you've made me realise my ultimate dilema ... this challenge may not be one that I can examine and overcome on my own.

At first I think why would you wish to do this alone, then look at myself and shake my head going "uh?"

Yes with someone you trust it would be so much easier, and with someone who knows and accepts what you tell him/her so they too can watch and help. Again communication and not giving up, not thinking a reaction is a failure but the next step to your goal.

My personal feeling only that I give caution BDSM is not a reason to come to for this, also that seeking a relationship is too not a reason to seek this freedom, but the reason being that you are ready for a relationship and wish to embrace and be embraced within this. The same said for this lifestyle...if it is truly calling to you, what you see within is a part of you.

softest hugs
~echoes~

[Desperadosong]

I have, in the past had this "freeze" effect happen to me. My Dom at the time saw it immediatly when it happened, and stopped all scening, also taking note of what had been done and how long, hard etc. And yes, it is VERY akin to what I felt at subspace EXCEPT... in subspace there is a complete feeling of saftey and bliss... during a "freeze", it is complete terror, except the outward reactions are VERY similar. (or so I have been told) I was told that when I hit subspace my body either goes completely limp... stands against the cross and sways gently or stands peacefully. When I am "frozen" I turn stiff as a board and have no response.

Hope this helps a bit

Ds