I think that what I am about to say everyone who reads or has posted to this thread will agree is true. Where difficulties exist is in the attempt to personalize or understand how someone could feel that way.

I do these things for me. No one has a right to tell me what to do or how I should live. To a degree, you gift that right to a significant other when you marry or commit. Does anyone truly believe that they will never again have an opposing thought or desire? Is it possibe to share and become one with someone, anyone? Men and woman may orgasam at the same time, but is it the same? Even in that most inimate of expression, differences are profound. It doesnt even fell the same. Afterwards, do they both feel the same? I think not.

I have been married for 28 years. There is nothing that could make me break up and leave my wife. I love her dearly. Yet, according to most definitions, hers specifically, I cheat. When she found out about my online activities she was extrmemly hurt. Probably more so than I have ever hurt her before. We entered professional counseling. We spent months with a BDSM psychiatrist (yes, they exist). Each of us explored our limits. What could she live with and what could I accept. We reached a semi-consensus. It was her belief that once I had an emotional attachment to a woman other than her we surpassed the realm of fun and games into infidelity. I argued that it was just electrons and didnt mean anything. That is not true. My subs mean the world to me and I am as much committed to them as I am to her. Most of us believe that monogomy is a trap and wether we practice it or not is a personal choice. It goes deeper, to the primal level and can never be bred out of us. The urge to procreate is fundemental to exsistance. We can no more eliminate it than we can the need for water or food. It is possible to eat or drink too much and cause physical, real damage. So, it is with procreation.

Procreation as recreation is relatively new in the evolution of man. As we learn and grow our horizons expand. It is conceivable that man of the distant future will regard our attempts as feeble at best.

What I do know is that the repression of desires is counter productive and goes against nature. What possible benefit could i derive by allowing myself to practice self denial? Worse yet, to feel guilty or bad or dirty for having the desires in the first place? Is control of urges what seperates us from the apes? That is too simplistic of an answer. Everyone knows that keeping things bottled up inside is harmful and will eventually lead to a purging that may or may not be appropriate at the time. That is when people truly get hurt.

Which brings us to the simple question, is it cheating to enjoy someones company, character, affection, and desires if you are not their committed counterpart? If you are attracted to someone and you deny and repress it are you better off? What if that someone is of the same sex so the possiblility of procreation does not exist? Have you now rebuked nature itself? If so, what is the source of these desires? Free will?

I could go on asking variations of the same questions and confuse the issue and even argue and debate the other side, however, it comes down to this......"to thine ownself be true." We are programmed as others have pointed out succinctly to consider the feelings of others over our own. To this altruistic motive, I say pshaw. Altruism is a phony concept for it is much like the ideal S/M relationship where the Masochist says, "beat me, and the Sadist says, "no." That is the perfect scenario. With alturism you get every one wanting and needing to give and no one willing to take. The concepts collapse like a super nova. Which starts out as a black hole. Interesting parallel there.

So, what have I said besides there is no right or wrong answer? The question initially raised was perfect in its intent. What and how do you feel about your activities? The operative word being you.

I only present this diatribe to perhaps ease some of the internal conflict I hear in many of these posts and would suggest that more time be devoted to loving and becoming comfortable with yourself.

You are a unique creature of God and God dont make no junk!!!