there are others here with actual credentials here who will know more than i, but i have struggled with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and this sounds *soooo* familiar.

I am working through my PTSD with the help of a counselor. You may not want to talk about your bad experience here, but i suspect you will eventually need to discuss it with someone in order to work through it and reclaim that part of your life.

hugs,
elyse