Serious bondage issues

[Avely]

I am by no means an expert, nor all that experienced in this domain. That being said, I am not necessarily a complete stranger to it. I do not know you, so all written below is merely sum of probable guesses, please do not take offense at them, as none is meant.

First off, emotions and emotional reactions are rarely logical.

I have some serious, serious bondage issues. The thing is, I'm a submissive and I'm REALLY into getting beaten, violated, emasculated, humiliated, etc. but I've come across a problem with being tied/bonded... It all started when I had a bad bondage-style experience I'm not gonna talk about.

It is very understandable that you don't wish to discuss said experience in a chat forum, but have you spoken about it to anyone at all? (You don't need to answer this in the forum, it is merely a question for you to think on) If not, perhaps you should consider doing so when you find someone you can trust enough to open up to... a good friend, or perhaps a future girlfriend... if someone keeps their feelings repressed, and/or refusing to deal with an experience and the feelings and emotions it evoked, they cannot hope to overcome the experience and any afteraffects it may have caused.

shortly after, I met my gf. She unfortunately is not a dom, but one day she did cuff me cause she knows im into this stuff.
she started sucking me and i started getting all shaky and disturbed and upset

I know what happened here is water under the bridge, but perhaps, once you've opened up to a future girlfriend/Domme about your experiences (both the inital, and any afteraffects such as the happenings you elaborated on in your post above)... if you two decide to try to slowly experiment and hopefully overcome your difficulties with bondage, this would have been a good place to stop the scene. Dealing with emotional issues usually (in my limited experience) takes alot of time, and small steps. A rushed approach in the hopes of 'getting over the emotional mess, so you don't have to deal with illogical and confusing reactions' is a very chancy method that may only make matters worse.

and finally i cummed into her mouth and she undid the cuffs... im kind of ashamed to admit it but i locked myself in the bathroom and cried a little for a few minutes... i didnt know what the fuck happened and i was like traumatized.

Please don't feel ashamed. You have as many emotions and feelings as all of us; don't be afraid to express them, confusing and illogical as they sometimes may be.

Tears can be caused by a great many things. On the more optimistic side, could your tears have been a simple release of emotion after an intense scene... this is not uncommon. Yes this can be disconcerting and confusing, especially if you've never had it happen to you before. Can this be delt with and made to go away? I don't know... tears are for some people a natural way of relieving excessive feelings and emotions, regardless of the nature of these feelings and emotions (aka, you don't have to be sad to cry... you could have just had the most mind blowing amazing experience... but the intense feelings led you to wracking sobs afterwards... your emotional equivalent to a cool down lap after running a race)... Of course, your tears could have stemmed from other reasons... evalutating your feelings before, during and after may help you discern what these reasons were... did you feel any specific emotion while crying? If so, was this a negative , confusing, and/or positive feeling? Afterwards, did you feel more emotionally at ease (although probably very drained) or unsettled?

Of course, I'm never gona make her do that to me again because she was totally weirded out by my reaction...

This is obviously your and her decision, but I hope you have spoken of the experience with her, tried to explain things as best you can... I'm sure this affected her as well... it was obviously an unexpected reaction and threw both of you for a loop... it is stressed in many places on the forum that communication with your partner is essential, both before, during and after a scene... and vanilla interactions as well for that matter...

The suggestions of fellow forum members to see a specialist in regards to this is a very good one, yet if you do not wish to do so, that is definitely your choice. There are many ways of approaching a problem, you must figure out which approach will work best for you and that you are most comfortable with.

The only sadistic wierdo i want anywhere near me is a girl with a whip

Perhaps you answer your own question...