Quote Originally Posted by phantasy_seeker View Post
I've been having a sort of dilemma with this. Is it really submission, if you only submit when you feel like it? What sort of real power would a dom have, if the sub could break rules, or act up, and get away with it due to 'not feeling subbie'? Could there be exceptions for certain circumstances? What circumstances?

I'm really interested in how others work this out.
Hi phantasy_seeker. I am so glad you asked this. After too many years of living my submission only in my fantasies, to realize it face-to-face has brought up aspects I never could have imagined on my own. I mean, being submissive in one's own fantasies is a hell of a lot different than dealing with an actual living, breathing Dominant. Imagine my shock when I felt it was time to wrap up the scene and a very real voice whipsered in my ear, "we aren't done yet." Can we say "not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy"??

So at that moment, I was clearly aware of submitting to another human's will...when maybe my mind and body were saying "ok, that's probably enough". And it was tough. Mentally, I was exploring places that were, quite honestly, freaking me out. My fantasies might have been about submission but I was still in control, seeing as they were MY fantasies. This very real Dominant was asking for more...and more and more from me. And physically, I was exhausted. So it was decision time...submit or not. If I didn't have the connection I have with Him, the answer would most assuredly have been "not". But I wanted to submit to Him...needed to is more appropriate. So in that way, I suppose I gave Him His power and He took from me what He needed. In return, I got to visit subspace-land. No fantasy I've ever had was good enough to get me to that place.

To address the other aspect of your question, submission, in my limited opinion, is in your heart, mind and soul. You choose to allow Another to have that from You. We are human, so life can come at us and dim the feeling. For example, I had a surgery. Physically, I was not able. Did I want to try? Sure, but common sense said otherwise. Not being a real fan of common sense, I tried anyway. I'll just say it wasn't so pleasant an experience. I did learn something about myself, so it wasn't a total loss, but I had to ask that the physical be put on hold until I was better. Mentally, that put a damper on my subbie self. My Dominant recognized this. He was respectful of it all. But most importantly, He didn't stop being my Dominant and I didn't stop being His submissive. It was just life in the way for a bit.

Is it really submission if you only submit when you feel like it? That's a question only that particular submissive can answer for her/himself. What sort of power does a Dom have if the sub acts up? As my Dominant says to me, "a Dominant is only as powerful as His pet's submissiveness." So both parties need to wonder, why is the sub acting up? Is the sub dissatisfied with the Dominant? Does she/he want the Dom to be more forceful? Less forceful? Just simply go away? Again, more questions, but self-introspection may be the key here. That and honest, open communication between Dom and sub.

Whether that helped you out at all, I have not a clue. But oh, it did my struggling mind some good. My warmest thanks to you for bringing it up.

Most sincerely-
tessa