Some ppl can switch it on and off so to speak, something done purely for the fun of it and add some 'kink' to their lives.

I ignored my submissive tendencies for a Long time while I was with my vanilla boyfriend. I thought the same thing, I could try to just push it away and be happy with what I had. And I did love him. but it didnt work out for a lot of reasons.

However, Now that ive been able to truly embrace myself and be true to who I am, I am more happy than Ever. You cant deny who you are, thats what I learned from it. He never understood why I wanted to "do bdsm stuff". Still doesnt. But I cant hide myself anymore, and cant go back either.