I have a slightly differant perspective that I would like to share withe you.

I belong to a couple of Christain D/s groups that discuss this type of thing quite often. Culturally we have been taught that women are equal to men. (Please not, I do not ant to debate this point, I am just trying to answer a question.) When you and your husband decided to enter into the D/s life neither of you truly understood the consequences on the rest of your life, especially in the presence of children.

Becoming a submissve is a process that takes time. Time to rid yourself of cultural conditioning. Time to rid yourself of old habits. Above all though it takes patience on the parttof your Dom.

In your case the problem is compounded because your husband is more or less at the same stage you are, and does not yet feel comfortable exercising his Domness (Is that a word? If not, why not?) and will make mistakes.

He was not wrong in helping you with the mess, at least not in my opinion, but he was wrong in not disciplining you for your anger. What exactly he should have done is between the two of you, but I find it very handy to gag my subs when they yell at me, and I usually stand them in the corner for a bit. This usually cools them down and allows them to ponder the error of their ways.

Being as you have children at home perhaps you could modify this with aa code word that your husband could use in front of them. When he says this you would be required to go into your bedroom, close the door, gag yourself, and stand in the corner while he deals with the problem. There could be a set time for you to be in the room for this, to save your husband from having to come and release you from your punishment. After this you would be free to go back out and apologize to your Dom.

If you are truly the sub you want to be this would be very effective for a variety of reasons.
  1. It would give you time to ponder the folly of yelling at your Dom.
  2. It would allow him time to coll down from the insult to him.
  3. It would also force you to contemplate your Dom doing somehting that you should be doing.

There are other things that will going through your head also, but I think these are the ones that would be most effective in teaching you a lesson.

One more thing: This does not have to be the extent of your punishment. Your husband can add more to it as he sees fit, after he has had time to cool down.

Just some thoughts from my perspective.