Warbaby, I am so glad you posed this question/topic.

Lately I've been questiong myself *sooo* much..."If I really want to follow through on being submissive, why is doing X so hard?"
It's made me doubt my decision to be here a lot. It always seems easier for everyone around me (yeah, I know the grass is always greener...), so why do I struggle with what seem to be the most basic aspects of being submissive? I was pretty upset about it yesterday...I was feeling like a failure as a sub. I was finding certain tasks annoying and bothersome and frustrating, when I wanted them to feel exhiliarating and challenging and...different.
I tried talking about it. I ended up feeling like I telling him what to do. I think I wanted him to be angry. I know I wanted more of a reaction than..."I know you tried your best..." I don't know if I did. Maybe I needed to be pushed harder. And then it's more of the same dull repetitive stuff. So yes, I consciously didn't do what I was asked to do. I walked away from it for a while. I did nothing, but think.
I finally came to the conclusion that if it's making me this unhappy, why am I doing it? If he can't hear me when I seriously say I can't or I won't or that's enough of that, then maybe its not me. Or maybe it is me, and I'm just not the right sub for him. I can live with that...I don't like it because I'm back at square one again, but I told myself I was going to see this through, and I meant it. I'm not going to give up on being a sub just because I blew it the first time online.
I re-read my post and it sounds confusing. Maybe I'm whining. Maybe I don't know what the heck I'm talking about. If so, you can tell me...I'll listen. I know I'm not offering many answers, but this thread really hit a chord right now. Just my 2 cents, anyway.