How important is the BDSM element for you?

[_ID_]

IDCrewDawg: Not meaning to be obnoxious but doesn't this "full-on" view of a bdsm life mean that you pretty much give up plans of having a career at work, of adapting to new conditions, and decide to move only with people in the Lifestyle? If you're aiming to pitch for a career of some kind (and I'm not talking of being CEO or a big statesman, just a job with some influence of what you're doing and ability to earn some good bread) then you'll need to invite people over to your place sometimes without preparing for a week by stowing away the equipment and the pictures and a week after getting them up again, it works to be an approachable person. And sorry, in the mainstream world, people don't always see bdsm as a great commitment.
Some can understand it, fairly many will tolerate it as something you choose to do, but less than 5% I think, will feel comfortable with only hardline leathered sado-masochists around for a party every week. And if you're not making money comfortably then how do you intned to pay for your toys and get the time and money to buy a house and build your Dream Dungeon?

I dont find your question obnoxious.

I have a career, full time job. Just cause I don't associate myself with people outside of the BDSM community doesn't mean that I am dressed in leather, and carry a crop around with me all the time. I blend with the 'regular' crowd quite well. I do not plan on having people over to my house from work. I leave work at work. My friends that I have are not from work. I find it easier to leave work behind me by doing this. No 'shop talk' in my home, and a relaxed environment for me to enjoy my time, how I want.

If being able to make it in the world requires me to have work mates at my house, then I will not ever have the kind of job you think I will. I have always said, and continue to say "If your not happy doing it, why the fuck are you doing it?" I live by that attitude. I am happy in my current job, and my next job will allow me the same liberties.

As far as buying a house, and having my dream dungeon. I don't necessarily need to have stone walls, and cages to have a 'dream dungeon'. I do make money comfortably. Perhaps I don't live middle class, and drive a BMW or such things. I do however enjoy my current position in life enough to not feel the need to run the rat race to bigger pay, more prestige.

[~hellish one~]

I dont find your question obnoxious.

I have a career, full time job. Just cause I don't associate myself with people outside of the BDSM community doesn't mean that I am dressed in leather, and carry a crop around with me all the time. I blend with the 'regular' crowd quite well. I do not plan on having people over to my house from work. I leave work at work. My friends that I have are not from work. I find it easier to leave work behind me by doing this. No 'shop talk' in my home, and a relaxed environment for me to enjoy my time, how I want.

If being able to make it in the world requires me to have work mates at my house, then I will not ever have the kind of job you think I will. I have always said, and continue to say "If your not happy doing it, why the fuck are you doing it?" I live by that attitude. I am happy in my current job, and my next job will allow me the same liberties.

As far as buying a house, and having my dream dungeon. I don't necessarily need to have stone walls, and cages to have a 'dream dungeon'. I do make money comfortably. Perhaps I don't live middle class, and drive a BMW or such things. I do however enjoy my current position in life enough to not feel the need to run the rat race to bigger pay, more prestige.

very well stated. life is too short to waste it all away being unhappy. and if that makes you happy then it's right for you. the definition of happiness is different for everyone. you're happy...and not hurting anyone (unless of course they beg for it ~winks~) so what does it matter? lol

[TomOfSweden]

I have a career, full time job. Just cause I don't associate myself with people outside of the BDSM community doesn't mean that I am dressed in leather, and carry a crop around with me all the time. I blend with the 'regular' crowd quite well.

Isn't this just down to semantics. I've got some close friends from New York and their definition of friend is radically different than what we in Sweden would refer to as a friend.

In Sweden the word "friend" is quite strong. It means basically that it some one you'd go out on a limb for, someone you trust without a doubt and who can trust you. Someone you would take considerable risk to save if needed.

As I understand it, in New York it just means someone you know. An aquintance. People who would stop and talk they would see each other in the street.

USA is big. I wouldn't be surprised if it's different between cities.

A New York girlfriend of a Swedish friend who lives there told me, "A thing I've noticed about Swedes, when they tell you they like you, they really do like you". Which off-course tells us more about New York than Sweden.

Same thing. Just down to semantics.

[_ID_]

Isn't this just down to semantics. I've got some close friends from New York and their definition of friend is radically different than what we in Sweden would refer to as a friend.

In Sweden the word "friend" is quite strong. It means basically that it some one you'd go out on a limb for, someone you trust without a doubt and who can trust you. Someone you would take considerable risk to save if needed.

As I understand it, in New York it just means someone you know. An aquintance. People who would stop and talk they would see each other in the street.

USA is big. I wouldn't be surprised if it's different between cities.

A New York girlfriend of a Swedish friend who lives there told me, "A thing I've noticed about Swedes, when they tell you they like you, they really do like you". Which off-course tells us more about New York than Sweden.

Same thing. Just down to semantics.

I don't consider acquaintances friends. Not a single one of you who has posted to this thread so far would I consider my friend.

Blending with people outside of BDSM just means that I am able to go shopping, or talk with people, and they not look at me and say 'wow is he ever different looking'. If someone I am talking with skirts the subject of BDSM, I pay close attention, cause I know there are others who like me enjoys being kinky. So the chance to meet these people can happen at anytime. Thus I don't alienate myself, I just don't include people outside of BDSM in my circle of associates that I would call friend.

I do agree with you though Tom, Americans use the term friend quite loosely.

[TomOfSweden]

I do agree with you though Tom, Americans use the term friend quite loosely.

It's not a question of using it losely, but communication. Any definition is fine, as long as everybody agrees on which to use.

But I do agree with you that people who are into BDSM understand more of human social dynamics. Which means that we're likely to have to do a lot more explaining when befriending the lesser enlightened.

It's like I constantly amaze people with my insights into work mates power-struggles and see clearly peoples petty motives for exactly what they are. I'm sure it's not a super-power. Rather just insights I've gained from playing it rough with ladies. Especially understanding what drives a submissive has been important for me.

I quickly understand what to do when a submissive man of the older generation is in a position of power, (= rarely a good thing). Or when I'm at a meeting and there's a conflict irrelevant to the task to be solved.