violetgem, I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. I wish you success and hapiness as you move forward.

As for the gentleman in question, it definitely sounds petty to me. When breaking up, I have always gone with the rule that possession is nine-tenths of the law, and people generally keep whatever happens to be at their place at the time. Unless of course, an item has extreme sentimental or monetary value.

I admit that your collar is a little tricky. It is "His" collar as it symbolized his ownership of you. But he gave it to you. I don't think it was right for him to take it back....besides, what is he going to do with it? I certainly wouldn't want to be presented with a second-hand collar.

Whenever I have broken up with someone, I immediately gathered up anything that reminded me of them, and put them in a box. Gifts, pictures, or anything they may have left behind. The box gets stored away out of sight until the hurt starts to fade, and I am strong enough to go through it and either throw out, or start using, the contents.