How did you find out about BDSM?

[vistana]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Looking back, I remember that as a fairly young kid I would tell myself stories while in bed about being kidnapped, and doing what I now realize was masturbating.
I've been aware of the term BDSM for a while, but only really realized that I did like that stuff when I started reading fanfiction online. i always prefered the romances, then I moved onto PWP, then into kinkier & kinkier stories. Ran out of fanfiction, started looking for original work, then started reading non-fiction information. Which led me here.
I've never been in a chat room, and my worst encounters with the creeps of online BDSM has been badly writen stories.

Around the same time, I started exploring a little bit with my boyfriend, but I always wanted to take things farther than he did, and it didn't work very well.

Unlike many people here, I never really felt like I was the only one, because I got all my early material from fanfiction, and the writers and reviewers aren't shy about saying how much such and such a scene turns them on. Every step of my exploration I've known that I wasn't alone.

What was it's appeal to you?

The freedom. Choice and decision making are removed, you don't lose all responsibility, but you lose the need to think much.
The one time that my (ex)boyfriend really took a strongly dominant role, after it ended I was in a state of euphoria. I was grinning and felt like I was floating. He kept asking if I was ok, because I was just lying there smiling.
I want to feel that freedom, and that phenomenal afterglow again.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Even though I knew there were other people out there who felt the same, it still felt wrong. In most aspects of my life I'm a strong person, I don't let people push me around, or cater to me, so submitting to another person seemed wrong. I knew it happened, but it still seemed kind of sick. And I didn't think that a BDSM forum would have such friendly open discussion.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Barely even an occasional player. I have very little actual experience, and I don't think I'm quite ready to go out and seek it yet, it was easier when I was already in a very comfortable relationship.
So an occasional player wannabe. As a lifestyle...I've got a long ways to go before I could even really consider that.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

There is still a lot I want to learn, since I really don't know much. I've been reading a lot, but there's only so much you can learn from books and forums. I need to learn to remember that, and not wait forever for some real life (or even real online) experience.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

As I said earlier, the freedom that comes with the loss of control. I want to be challenged, and pushed to my limits, but not making the decisions allows me to just lose my inhibitions and just enjoy without worrying.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

None right now, or ever, really.

[Sunshine]

One absolutely dirty conversation in Sitges, near Barcelona in Spain.