I am very happy to discuss it in private, although the advantage of discussing on the boards is that we potentially benefit from other people's input - but will leave that in your hands. I find this to be a safe place, and one where I am happy to air thoughts which are not always fully acceptable to the main body, because there is atmosphere of acceptance of differences.

Quote Originally Posted by duktig flicka View Post
On a side note, how is BDSM the same as a normal relationship? One is based on inequality while the other is based on equality. I don't see the parallel.
It is not often that I disagree with anyone as strongly as I disagree with what you have said there.

In my experience both on and offline a BDSM relationship ONLY works if there is a balance of equals. Any imbalance creates a flaw in that relationship, regardless of which way the imbalance lies. I agree that the balance is between two equals and opposites, but they are very equal (said with a guilty apology to my English mistress for the tautology). If his Dominance is greater than my submission, then the door is open for abuse of me, if my submission is greater than his dominance, then I feel like a stranded sub. That is speaking in general terms, the principle continues to work at a more detailed level.

In a non bdsm relationship I believe that the same applies, but because there is not the same degree of interdependence upon each other, the balance is less important.

That takes me round to your initial question about mental health. My unanswered question to myself is, is that level of dependence upon another person healthy. The closest I have come to answering that, and I can find flaws in my own answer, is that if the person is able to live a healthy independent life without their bdsm partner, but find that the quality is enhanced by doing so, then it is a healthy relationship. If however they are not able to do that, then perhaps the bdsm relationship is masking a health issue which needs exploring.

cariad