Quote Originally Posted by duktig flicka View Post
As for the equality thing, equality means there is no domination and submission. Certainly you have balance and that's great, but I don't see how you can say that equality can coexist with domination and submission when one is the opposite of the other. We might just be arguing semantics here. The point is that domination and submission doesn't happen in a normal relationship, which is why a normal relationship is considered "equal."
One definition of equality would be the same in all respects. But even if you were take identical twins, there would be differences between them. So in that sense it is impossible to have a relationship between complete equals. Also, if I were to find someone identical to me, I certainly would not wish to have a relationship with them! I already have a relationship with myself, why simply duplicate it?

The equalities which I think are important, and the ones which I intuitively look for in a relationship are strength of character, emotional and intellectual abilities, and spiritual and aesthetic appreciation, and ethical awareness. That applies to whether it is a bdsm relationship or a platonic friendship. I honestly believe that if those are equal in intensity then the relationship is between equals.

As for the equality thing, equality means there is no domination and submission.
Suggests that you see one as greater than the other. I do not. It is a little known fact that I have a passion for chocolate. I have a favourite recipe which is basically chillies filled and coated with chocolate (and a significant amount of vodka thrown in for good measure). Both the chocolate and the chilli are very powerful flavours, but very different. For the recipe to work, the potency of each has to be balanced, neither more than the other. I do not consider either to be more important or more significant nor either to be lesser than the other. The magic is in the counterplay between the two. To me dominance and submission is a similar counterplay.

If/when I submit to someone, it is a positive act. It is not hard for me to do, because I wish to do it. I also know that I have the strength to manage without that relationship, it is simply my preference not to, because of the huge pleasure/satisfaction I receive from submission. I need to submit to gain those benefits. For me it is significant that I only need to submit to that extent, I do not need to be complete as person.

That is a personal analysis of my position, which I made primarily for my benefit sometime ago, in an attempt to answer what you have asked. I would not dream of saying whether it is right for anyone else.

The point is that domination and submission doesn't happen in a normal relationship, which is why a normal relationship is considered "equal."
I think there are a few key ideas here. You could be right that the majority of people have what we would call vanilla relationships, although I do wonder if we could see through bedroom doors we might spot signs which would cause us to lift an eyebrow.

I would throw out the challenge that all to often 'normal' is the lowest common denominator, possibly the safest position, but I am convinced that it is always the most desirable.

Normal can also mean average, acceptable. I wish for more than that in a relationship.

cariad