The impression I'm getting is that this discussion is leaning toward your concern about the equality in most BDSM relationships. Moreover, that a submissive is treated as less that equal to his/her Dominant partner in comparison to what you termed as "normal" relationships.

I only ask that you look into what most consider traditional relationships between a husband and wife. For example, who would decide how paychecks are spent? Who is expected to take care of the housework? Who is the primary caregiver to the children? My point is simply this...

Even in the most traditional/normal relationship there is a level of dominance and submission. Nothing is ever completely equal where there is a relationship. If that were true, there would be no divorces, no arguments, and certainly no abusive relationships (whether they be husband/wife, parent/child, or between siblings).

I can certainly understand and fully appreciate the answers you are trying to find here. I just cannot agree with some of the ideals you've presented.

In my opinion (and this is just mine based on personal experience), a relationship within BDSM lifestyle shows more concern and respect for each partner than the traditional relationship. As many have already said, one can only Dominate if the submissive is willing to give them that power and control. That power and control is seen by Dominants as a gift, something that is given only to them with trust, love, and belief that it will be cherished. Within a vanilla relationship, that control and power is expected and unappreciated based on the standards set forth in society.