I have spent more time than is healthy sitting in my car today going somewhere rather slowly, and gave your questions some more thought.

Going back to you original question...

I know what it is like to be in a physically abusive relationship (for a short time) and an emotionally abusive relationship (for a very long time). Both of these had a similiar taste. I hated to the my core how they made me feel. Both had the effect of leaving me scared, apprehensive and with low self esteem. I would never go there voluntarily again.

I have never experienced that within a bdsm relationship. Although I choose to submit the outcome is the opposite of what I describe above. The whole is a positive and affirming experience.

I think that is the closest I can come to saying that I don't believe that I am nurturing a mental health issue by being in a bdsm relationship.

cariad