I used to have arguements about the term equal with my feminist friends, I told them we aren't equal, and we aren't. I can't carry a baby to birth, she can't impregnate anyone. Our drives are very different, our chemistry alters the way we preceive realty. The list of differences is very long.

I don't know anyone that is married that has an equal relationship. In every relationship that last longer then a couple of hours there appears a Dom and sub, in most good vanilla relationship this is true. There is more of a tendancy for the roles to reverse in vanilla. That reversal is a big part of the reason that most people end up in a failed relationship, in my opinion, due to the fact that it becomes a competition to be the top dog.

In bdsm relationship I am the last voice the decision maker, which is natural for me, that doesn't mean that I don't value her opinion. Actually I lean very heavily on her in her fields of expertise, but I have the right to approve or deny and I damn well have to do that wisely.

A good relationship, a strong one, is based on the parts when together are greater then seperately. BDSM when done correctly is like that a sub is a sub because it feel right and better for the sub, a Dom, at least for me, has no real choice in the matter either it is part of that person. When it comes down to it we know our roles well and depend on the strengths of our partner.

Russell