I think it's this word 'lifestyle' that is the problem. When it was a small, closed and underground community, there was real reason to refer to it as a lifestyle; I can totally understand the feeling of togetherness and brother (sister)hood this would have required and engendered. As such, it would have lead to a level of conformity and agreement amongst its small membership, especially since Mentors would have lead their pupils in the same direction. There is also a sense of 'specialness' and 'belonging' that membership and closed communities impart.

'Lifestyle' is the aspect that has always worried me wandering around here. I do not wish anyone to impose a set of rules on me and tell me how I should or should not live my life: unless and except it be the person, the individual, that I choose to be my partner, my dominant, ultimately my Master, perhaps, if the relationship reaches that point and I can learn to give that much. Outside of that, please, no-one, but no-one, tell me how to live my life.

The internet is a wonderful thing - it has helped me. I am 47, I am not here lightly - and by here, I don't just mean in this forum, I do mean in the world of D/s, and I include BDSM within that. All of it is a learning process, thank you. On the other hand, the internet is a dangerous thing, and I find dealing with interactions with individuals - chat and partner searching - very difficult. I am a natural real-timer. That does not mean that others - and principally, a younger generation than me, those who have been born to the internet and virtual world - cannot find themselves in it totally, happily, completely, and I wish them all joy. I don't get the impression from the article that it is virtual versus real time that really disturbs the author: it is the fact that so many different views have come in, views and attitudes that do not conform to his or her previous beliefs - and lifestyle.

Things do change. Life changes. The 'old timers' have some issues with their lifestyle no longer being the closed, controllable, understandable and simple world it was: but they can still continue to maintain their closed circle and live that way if they wish. The online world isn't stopping them. They do not have to participate. However, it seems to me that they are just as desirous of it opening up as the people who are stepping into it are desirous of finding it. We all need new.

The closed shop left many people out, who had genuine needs and would genuinely have fitted. The open shop lets many in who may not have fitted within the closed shop Lifestyle, but who still have genuine needs. Those needs may only be sexual, yet they are sexual needs that are still not accepted by 'vanilla' society. Why is that a problem? As long as the participants are honest and know that; those needs may only be occasional - part-time doms, part-time subs: I think really that is just a lack of understanding between the original Lifestylers and the new world: that is surely just how each D/s partnership works out itself, and its interactions. You aren't scening all the time (Jeez, what an exhausting thought): you are a couple inbetween times: you work out how you interact: it may be very liberal. It may be very controlled. Now obviously I'm not an experienced Lifestyler, and I may be misunderstanding, but it sounds to me as though the lifestyle certainly allowed each relationship the liberty of defining itself.

This article was both illuminating - I am a newbie, and no-one had ever explained to me what this Lifestyle history thing was before - and inflammatory - it has taken me a long time to get here, to realise my nature and my needs, and frankly if it hadn't been for the internet, I would have continued bumbling along, frustrated, ignorant, and wandering into unhappy, vaguely abusive relationships, because I didn't understand myself. The Lifestyle was proud and exclusive. I don't like that. On the other hand, the Lifestyle and its precepts of SSC, trust, honesty and respect of eachother are intrinsic to what I have learnt, and I am grateful that that backbone exists.

Not sure any of this makes much sense but it did make me want to rant a bit, so I did!