Okay, here goes
My husband and I have been together 22 years, married almost 20, 4 children. Our marriage has been through most every possible configuration - Leave it to Beaver style, then modified, then me a student while he worked and took care of kids/house, then 2-career, now I am the primary support but he also works (Will be semi-retired in a couple of years). We've also had our ups and downs as a couple - several years ago I thought divorce was only a matter of time (I had already packed my bags mentally).

I finally became so unhappy that I was able to believe that maybe it wasn't all his fault. I stopped drinking (with the help of AA) and began to acquire a desire to change myself and open my heart to him - something I'd never really done. Then an amazing thing happened - I fell in love with him again, but even better. I began to really trust him with myself, my heart and soul, and have faith that he loved me, for better or for worse. As my trust and love and faith increased, I also began to trust myself and start listening to what my heart and body wanted.

So, what did I want? I have always had a "shameful" attraction to erotic pain which I stuffed deep down the moment it reared its ugly head. It seemed abnormal, wrong, sick, twisted - whatever. And even when I did actually fantasize about it, I sure couldn't imagine sharing that with my husband. But, in the process of rediscovering my love and sexuality, I began to honor all my desires.

Now, fast forward a few months... During a bout of intense phone sex, I confessed some of my secret submissive desires. Specifically, a desire to be spanked, hard, and then held down and fucked in the ass. Yes, those were the exact words I used. When my husband came home, he proceeded to do exactly that! It was wonderful - everything I had hoped for and I felt calm, grateful, proud, content and peaceful afterward. (I particularly enjoyed admiring my bruises on a daily basis ) Unfortunately, nothing else happened for several more months, until I found this website a couple of weeks ago. It gave me the courage (thank you, everyone!) to bring up the subject with him again. I gave him a letter of thanks that I had written the day after that great evening, (but had been too nervous to actually give to him - it seemed silly) and then said how much I'd like to do this again, and more. I mentioned checklists and safewords and the fact that they can alleviate his fear of hurting me in a non-erotic way.

What happened? Well, he asked for some time to think and process, then gave me a nice bout of very mild D/s sex the next day, and seemed to enjoy himself. Since then, he has become more dominant (in a still very vanilla way) each time we have sex. This past weekend I gave him a copy of The Loving Dominant, a BDSM checklist and a note asking him to read and then talk with me when he's ready. That's where we are right now.

I wouldn't have had the courage to approach him again without the wonderful support here. Just reading the forum posts written by those experienced in real-life power exchange relationships, whether full-time or only occasional, has helped me learn and grow and understand what it takes to bring this into our life and what gifts we can get from it.

The most important thing I've learned in the past few weeks is patience. I wanted to just rush into everything, but now the anticipation of going slowly really turns me on. From everything I've read, it's always better to want more than to go too far too soon, so that's the approach I'm taking to all of this.

I hope this helps another submissive who is wondering how the heck she/he is going to approach her/his partner. Please, read the posts by the many helpful, experienced submissives throughout the forums. They know a lot more than I do!

Have a wonderful, blessed day!