Quote Originally Posted by diamondcontrol View Post
I have heard of Doms who force a sub to use a safe word (once or twice) - just so that the sub learns it is ok to use the safe word and will use it if necessary. That being said, I am against repeatedly pushing limits so hard the sub must safeword. A Dom ought to learn to read his sub well enough to judge when a limit has been pushed far enough without a safeword being used; otherwise, the Dom loses the trust of the sub. A sub trusts her Dom to judge how hard to push, wihout the sub having to "tell" the Dom every time by safeword. As you say, a Dom should know a sub feels like a failure when she has to safeword, something to be avoided. Moreover, if hard face-slapping had already been established as a hard limit, your trust was violated.
I totally agree. After only a few sessions my former Master could tell when enough was enough and I didnt have to think about using the safeword (which was good for me cuz yeah I agree with all of those who say it feels like failure when used). I totally understand the need for a Dom to know that there sub is going to use the safeword if needed. I know the first few times me and my former Master played I used it randomly, even when I didn't particularly want to stop just to know that He would stop.

And as... i forget who... but as someone else posted... many people let/have hard limits get pushed (i know i have) and end up loving them. And again one persons light is another hards. As it was on of the first play sessions, He might have been trying to get a sense of how hard your hard really is, thus wanting you to use your safeword when He reached what was your limit.

And in another theory, the way to make new limits is to push and extend old ones. When I started out with face slapping I wasn't into really hard either, but little by little that limit was pushed and by the end He used to have check me for marks a few hours later, just in case, because hard slapping is now such a turn on for me.

But you cant push to far in one session. Just like fisting... your not going to from fitting one finger to a whole fist in the matter or five minutes. It takes time, patience and trust... for both the Dom and sub.

He might have you tied up, blindfolded, with a vibrator inside whipping you hard, and he has to be able to trust that you will say the safeword. Especially when trying something new... just likeyou have to trust that he will stop no matter how into it he is.

And you HAVE TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO HIM. About anything your feeling, about something you dont like, or like. He's not going to punish you just because your hard is his light, and if he does, well then, turn the other way.
And he should be able to talk to you about the same. Communication is KEY in any relationship bbut especially in a BDSM one where sometimes ones life can be at risk....

Theres being broken and then there is being broken one is good and one isnt... talk to him... let him know where your hard is.. even if it means slapping him in the face... and learn to use your safeword.

goodgirl