First Dance

[Ruby]

Rhabbi,

This is quite a sensual and wonderful story. The idea that whether he can dance or not, she will find a way to share her passion with him for dancing... and other things ... is delightful.

The story is timeless, believable, touching and romantic.
Even the dialog fits the mood.

There are a few spelling & grammar errors.
Only a few. Most skimmers would miss them.

A missing letter on a word can change the meaning of a phrase:

...but though nothing of it.
versus
...but thought nothing of it.

A missing comma or two, if added, would help the pacing of the piece and make it easier to read.

Something else to think about: contractions.

I "did not" versus "didn't". If he is telling the story, the use of contractions will up the believability factor.

What else?

Keep up the great work!

Ruby

[Rhabbi]

Rhabbi,

This is quite a sensual and wonderful story. The idea that whether he can dance or not, she will find a way to share her passion with him for dancing... and other things ... is delightful.

The story is timeless, believable, touching and romantic.
Even the dialog fits the mood.

There are a few spelling & grammar errors.
Only a few. Most skimmers would miss them.

A missing letter on a word can change the meaning of a phrase:

...but though nothing of it.
versus
...but thought nothing of it.

A missing comma or two, if added, would help the pacing of the piece and make it easier to read.

Something else to think about: contractions.

I "did not" versus "didn't". If he is telling the story, the use of contractions will up the believability factor.

What else?

Keep up the great work!

Ruby

Thank you Ruby for all the hard work you put into guiding me and making this story what it is. though this is the first time you have actually seen this story, you were standing over my shoulder in spirit as I wrote it, asking me "Does that really work?" and "Would he say it that way?" Obviously I did not pay quite enough attention to you as I wrote, but I was listening. Thank you.