HGZero's second Assignment

[H Dean]

I rather liked this. The dialog was realistic to the point that I could imagining such a thing actually happening. The dialog gave a thorough description of what all was going on and, spelling gaffes aside, this was very well executed.

I would like to see you get away from "said Tim" and "said Linda". You need to vary it a bit. Change it to "linda said" or "she said" or offer a small description of how it was said "She said in a stern tone" or something similar. I realize that the assignment was to have a minimum of description, but a little variation in the "he said/she said" would have helped this story on a bit.

Good job.

[HGZero]

I rather liked this. The dialog was realistic to the point that I could imagining such a thing actually happening. The dialog gave a thorough description of what all was going on and, spelling gaffes aside, this was very well executed.

I would like to see you get away from "said Tim" and "said Linda". You need to vary it a bit. Change it to "linda said" or "she said" or offer a small description of how it was said "She said in a stern tone" or something similar. I realize that the assignment was to have a minimum of description, but a little variation in the "he said/she said" would have helped this story on a bit.

Good job.

Thank you. I had been thought from the school of thought that 'character said.' was kind of a mental blind spot in the reader's mind. In the normal course of a story I guess it makes more sense to think but when it's all dialogue it does stand out.

I tried to take a minimalist approach to description outside of the dialogue because that’s what I thought the assignment asked for. I'll keep the suggestion in mind.