
Originally Posted by
H Dean
I rather liked this. The dialog was realistic to the point that I could imagining such a thing actually happening. The dialog gave a thorough description of what all was going on and, spelling gaffes aside, this was very well executed.
I would like to see you get away from "said Tim" and "said Linda". You need to vary it a bit. Change it to "linda said" or "she said" or offer a small description of how it was said "She said in a stern tone" or something similar. I realize that the assignment was to have a minimum of description, but a little variation in the "he said/she said" would have helped this story on a bit.
Good job.