What I'm saying is that nobody outside a relationship can look in and by only judging the actions taking place, judge if any party is being disrespected. It's far more complicated. Respect also covers a wide variety of things. It's not just what you do, but your mental stance. In my experience, respect in the vanilla world is only about doing or not doing certain things. Following rules. The mental bit is most often forgotten.
...and much too few people have any self-respect.