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  1. #1
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    Respect for your sub/slave

    I have a question that's been going around in my head for quite awhile now. As a submissive to my Master, I always, always, ALWAYS respect him both as my dominant and as a person. This is fairly easy for me, as I find him to be intelligent, creative, and receptive (all qualities that I greatly admire

    I have enough self-respect to be able to realize that I too possess these qualities and I was just wondering how those of you who are dominant in nature respect your submissives/slaves (if you do at all). This is not a biased question-- if you don't, then you don't. I have often heard of a slave being compared to a cherished pet or possession. In comparison-- I love my kitty with all of my heart, but I wouldn't say that I respect him (because he's a kitty and he's on a mental level that is far below me).

    My Master tells me that he respects me as his submissive and as an individual, but after turning this over and over in my head, I still have my doubts (which I've voiced to him). He likes to call me his pet, and I like being his pet, but there's this little voice inside my head that says it's demeaning to my character. I would like to make it shut up I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that it is possible to submit completely to someone and still retain your sense of self-worth and self-respect.
    I freeze, I burn, and in love's height I die.

  2. #2
    Guest 91108
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    hrm.. I do not have nothing but respect for my wife who is also my sub. a very high respect and regard for her . She is cherished as no other.
    I have a pet in wlg... She is also respected as a person, as one who is seeking to grow.
    In my eyes it is neither demeaning or disrespectful to be one's pet..

    If one is submissive , in my opinion , They deserve a lot of respect that raises them above others for being able to do something most could / would not do.

    Sure some Doms do not give respect to their submissives.. it is part of the role they wish to be played by another and there are some subs who want that kind of role. It's not my way nor of that of those I would choose to want.

    I'm sure others will have varying opinions.

  3. #3
    St Hendo's little one
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    Quote Originally Posted by fireandice View Post
    I have a question that's been going around in my head for quite awhile now. He likes to call me his pet, and I like being his pet, but there's this little voice inside my head that says it's demeaning to my character. I would like to make it shut up I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that it is possible to submit completely to someone and still retain your sense of self-worth and self-respect.
    Hmmm...think of it this was. Has a man ever called you (or have you ever called a guy) "baby". or "pumpkin" or any of those gushy, silly names that we all use at times? One doesn't have a lot of respect for a baby or a pumpkin but I bet that if you were ever called that you never though of it that way, right?
    I love it more than almost anything when Master called me pet, or little one or even His slut. To me these are terms of endearment and I treasure them.
    What tells me that I am respected is the way I am treated and he treats me like the an intelligent equal who has offered my gift of submission; not like a possession that he has casually acquired. If this is the way you are treated, then I say "SHUT UP" little voice inside fireandice's head. *grins*
    I hope this helps. "peace" ~blizz~
    "Do you know, ultimately," I asked, "who will prove to be your one best trainer?" "No, Master," she said. "You, yourself," I said, "the girl, herself, eager to please, imaginative and intelligent, monitoring her own performances and feelings, striving lovingly to improve and refine them. You yourself will be largely responsible for making yourself the superb slave you will become."
    Page 210 - Savages of Gor

  4. #4
    cariad
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    He is Dominant, I am submissive; we both need each other; we are different and equal.

    cariad

  5. #5
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    I have given this whole issue a fair amount of thought only I have been looking at it from a different angle. I know any submissive I want is someone who -to use words related to the topic you brought up- deserves a fair amount of my respect as a near equal. This brings to question why I am dominant and she submissive if we are both equal.

    The short and simple answer is the situation is like it is because we both want it that way and committed to each other in this way.

    So how would I respect her? I would respect her like I would respect any other person close to me. But that’s a simple sentence that’s not so simply implemented into a real D/s relationship, which at its core says one is above the other somehow.

    It seems to me from the focus of your post that your Master doesn’t disrespect you or do anything to disrespect you, rather you are trying to square the idea of both being respected and submitting at the same time.

    To directly give you an answer to your problem I would have to ask you why you submit. Do you submit because you are less intelligent? Because he’s a man and you’re a woman and therefore are somehow under him? Or do you submit because you want to submit. I would think the latter from your post. If you only submit because you want to submit what’s demeaning about that? It's just a part of who you are rather than something that's needed because you are lacking somehow.

  6. #6
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    Thank you so much for all the nice responses!! It made my head do some more thinking, and I asked myself why I have the desire to submit in the first place. I remembered back to when I was little and I always let my sister play with the only Barbie that we hadn't cut all the hair off of How happy I was when my mom watched my ballet recital and cried because she was so proud of me. Silly things, but the more I remember, the more I realize that pleasing others makes me truly happy. For the first time, I think I'm embracing who I really am instead of pretending to be someone I'm not.

    I'm so glad you all realize my Master has never disrespected me-- I didn't mean for it to sound like that at all!! He's told me many times how proud He is of me and how special I am to Him. I do feel that He respects me and my submission to Him-- but I was still trying to work out the "how" part in my head.

    I guess sometimes I just start to doubt myself-- it's a bad habit I have that Master is trying to help me break Thanks so much for all the input-- keep it coming if you have more! I like hearing everyone's ideas and thoughts.
    I freeze, I burn, and in love's height I die.

  7. #7
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    The problem here as I see it, is that the term "respect" is in the vanilla world extremly culturally coloured. If we respect someone we are suposed to do "this" and "that", but absolutely not "that".

    As far as respect is concearned, our actions is of no consequence only the feelings behind it, our motives and the wishes of the recipient. My slave enjoys being humiliated. Most things I do and say to my slave would be extremly disrespectful if done or uttered to anybody else.

    I'm assuming that the whole basis of this question is based on the vanilla interpretation of respect. I think it's most useful to see the people of the vanilla world as little children who only have a rudimentary knowledge of how humans function. I most often find the vanilla aproach to judging level of respect given most often laughable.

    Judging the level of respect you are given by others is very complex.

  8. #8
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    I call Mishka kitten all the time, but I do not think she is a kitten. I have the deepest respect for her in all things, if I did not I could not love her. Just because she is my sub does not mean she is not a person, or that she is unworthy of respect.

  9. #9
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    fireandice,

    I think you trying to work out the "how" of why your Master respects you as his submissive is a very natural thing to do. I know when I first recognised that I was submissive, I used to wonder about how I could be equal and still be a sub. What I have learnt is that it is that very submissiveness that my Master respects. He knows it is a gift and that it is my choice to give it to him.

    Good luck in your journey and in quietening that inner voice.
    Learning more each day!

    So very happy to be loved by Warbaby. ~

  10. #10
    Guest 91108
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aussiegirl1 View Post
    fireandice,

    I think you trying to work out the "how" of why your Master respects you as his submissive is a very natural thing to do. I know when I first recognised that I was submissive, I used to wonder about how I could be equal and still be a sub. What I have learnt is that it is that very submissiveness that my Master respects. He knows it is a gift and that it is my choice to give it to him.

    Good luck in your journey and in quietening that inner voice.
    I think your post is very accurate as to how it should be seen, ie. a gift of self is ultimate. IMO.

  11. #11
    Benz (Master to ceegee)
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    Quote Originally Posted by cariad View Post
    He is Dominant, I am submissive; we both need each other; we are different and equal.

    cariad
    Well said cariad...

    the key word is Need each other....ceegee is my slave but first before all else she is my strength and she is a beautiful woman because without her qualities and devotation to serve Me beyond all else I would not be able to display my Mastery in its best form.

    As my ceegee grows so do I.

    Most importantly we are both people which makes us equal. I worship and adore her as she does Me.

    All relationships in our lifestyle are differant, in my case ceegee is also my partner and even though she is my slave, I respect her ability and her freedom of speech.

    Mastery is not about telling one what to do its about listening and observing the needs of yours and acting accordingly by example. Because as she/he serves you in the best possible way in turn its a two way street. One sided BDSM has a short lifespan.

    My advice to all those in our lifestyle is dont be afraid to ask your Master/Mistress questions and if you doubt there devotation to you talk about it. It might just surpise you. As a Dominant We sometimes forget to show how we feel sometimes...gentle reminders never hurt..smile

    After All we are Human smiles.

    I hope this has helped in some way.

    Benz ( Proud Master to ceegee)..

    PS. to my ceegee without your love, commitment and devotation, my life wouldnt be as perfect as it is. for that I thankyou my sweet kitten. smiles at her with my dark eyes.

  12. #12
    Guest 91108
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    well said Benz.

  13. #13
    Master's kitten
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benz{ceegee} View Post

    PS. to my ceegee without your love, commitment and devotation, my life wouldnt be as perfect as it is. for that I thankyou my sweet kitten. smiles at her with my dark eyes.
    *blushes* awwwww

    and without your love, devotion and commitment to me....my life is not worth living. You are my everything. With each other's guidance we learn to grow stronger....to become as one soul...as it should be

    smiles back at you
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


    *Whatever O/our Souls Are Made Of,
    His and Mine Are The Same.*
    Emily Bronte


    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

  14. #14
    Guest 91108
    Guest
    awww...

  15. #15
    Benz (Master to ceegee)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfscout View Post
    well said Benz.
    thanks Mate..

  16. #16
    Benz (Master to ceegee)
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceegee{Benz} View Post
    *blushes* awwwww

    and without your love, devotion and commitment to me....my life is not worth living. You are my everything. With each other's guidance we learn to grow stronger....to become as one soul...as it should be

    smiles back at you
    xx just speaking from the heart n soul my girl

  17. #17
    Master's kitten
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    ^ I know my Master....as am I...smiles
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


    *Whatever O/our Souls Are Made Of,
    His and Mine Are The Same.*
    Emily Bronte


    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

  18. #18
    Just being me
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    Benz and ceegee

    just WOW

    ~hugs~

    minxy xxx
    Just being me for Him

  19. #19
    Guest 91108
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    best to lead by examples. that should help others to see. smiles.

  20. #20
    Master's kitten
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    Thank you Wolf and minxy...smiles

    The respect that Benz and I have for each other is out of this world.
    The bond that we also have probably makes some people jealous chuckles.

    You see the key to success is to talk...to listen...to air opinions....to understanding each other.... as Benz said earlier we are all human after all, no matter what lifestyle we all lead.

    Not only am I my Master's slave, I am also his partner...his girl....and his fiancee. We are both as equal in our relationship.
    I stand by every choice and desission he makes and vice versa and support each other through what ever life throws at us.

    The hardest part for us at the moment is the distance (wails) but we get through it...as all good sturdy and healthy relationships do...smiles


    ceegee
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


    *Whatever O/our Souls Are Made Of,
    His and Mine Are The Same.*
    Emily Bronte


    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

  21. #21
    Benz (Master to ceegee)
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceegee{Benz} View Post
    Thank you Wolf and minxy...smiles

    The respect that Benz and I have for each other is out of this world.
    The bond that we also have probably makes some people jealous chuckles.

    You see the key to success is to talk...to listen...to air opinions....to understanding each other.... as Benz said earlier we are all human after all, no matter what lifestyle we all lead.

    Not only am I my Master's slave, I am also his partner...his girl....and his fiancee. We are both as equal in our relationship.
    I stand by every choice and desission he makes and vice versa and support each other through what ever life throws at us.

    The hardest part for us at the moment is the distance (wails) but we get through it...as all good sturdy and healthy relationships do...smiles


    ceegee
    Well said my lover...Let Me add the key to our success is the will we both have to *please* one another. There is nothing forced or false in what we do together smiles...

  22. #22
    SipGirl Master
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    My wife is also my sub. She is beautiful, sexy and most importantly the person who I respect more than any other. For her to give her self to me knowing certain things she is not comfortable with she still does them for me. That to me is love everlasting so how can you not respect that.
    SIPGIRL MASTER

  23. #23
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    I have said this before but I will say it again. Three words guide me through life Honor, Respect and Pride. I have all of these for my morgan like no one else in my life. I am confident that she has all of these for me.

    Not quite sure what Tom is saying, I was taught that these words are next to mystical for the Life and work well in the vanilla world too.

  24. #24
    Ninja
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    I once read that men want to be respected in a relationship and women want to be cherished, that they needed these things on a level of man and women being two different hardwired beings. that the emotional needs were different and that was not a bad thing just that its been forgotten by many people these days.

    I think it rang true in a BDSM relationship very much. A sub should be cherished for what they give and any dom worth submitting to, respected. Does that mean the Dom does not respect the sub nor the sub cherish the Dom? No it means that the stronger need is the above feelings first in them both.

    Think about how being truly cherished feels, whether you are a pet, slave, sub, wife, partner or whatever label is given. Think about how real respect from someone feels. Think about how when you are able to make sure the way you feel is felt and accepted the other person glows or becomes taller, proud to be held in such esteem. The ugly person becomes beautiful in that light and strong for the other person. You see them for who they really are and still hold the feelings of respect and cherishing as true.

    When you are able to truly feel what the other person holds in thier heart for you, you know and are never able to accept any less from anyone. It is something that unless you have been there you will never realise what you are missing. I can not express how making someone feel like they are the only person worthy of my love or submission or dominance and all of who I am makes me powerful. How knowing without a doubt they hold me in the same way and that they truely know me warts and all and still see me on a pedistal.

    You can never fall that way because your feet were always on the ground. I know this is getting mushy but respect and cherish are two words seldom given the importance that they should have and they can be everything. It may even be the definistion of true love who knows.....

  25. #25
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    Very well said Widget, I tell morgan all the time that I love her and cherish her and now I know why it has that effect on her.

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir_Russell View Post
    I have said this before but I will say it again. Three words guide me through life Honor, Respect and Pride. I have all of these for my morgan like no one else in my life. I am confident that she has all of these for me.

    Not quite sure what Tom is saying, I was taught that these words are next to mystical for the Life and work well in the vanilla world too.
    What I'm saying is that nobody outside a relationship can look in and by only judging the actions taking place, judge if any party is being disrespected. It's far more complicated. Respect also covers a wide variety of things. It's not just what you do, but your mental stance. In my experience, respect in the vanilla world is only about doing or not doing certain things. Following rules. The mental bit is most often forgotten.

    ...and much too few people have any self-respect.

  27. #27
    Ninja
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    No one outside can be the judge is something that is very true in any aspect of life. What happens in the internal world of intimacy is what is the reality of a relationship that is only really understood by the people inside. In the end of it all it is all that matters anyway.

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by TomOfSweden View Post

    ...and much too few people have any self-respect.
    That's absolutely true. I couldn't submit without a healthy self-respect - else what we do would be damaging to me mentally and emotionally. Instead, it elevates me. Perhaps a lack of self-respect is part of the reason why I was unable to accept my submissive nature for so many years...hmmm. I just learned something.
    Working too much....and unfortunately not online as much as I'd like.

  29. #29
    Cruel Intentions
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    I know I haven't posted here in awhile, but I would like to give a viewpoint here, if I may. If you ever think about, or see other married couples (which I have) many of my co-workers have had bbq's or we have invited them over for dinner etc. What I see in the "vanilla" world, is a total lack of respect for each other. The bickering, the arguments, etc. The quality of respect is just not there because they are always trying to have "equal" power, whether it be over finances, children, or what they are going to do.

    My slave mia and I have often looked at each other during these bickerings, and fights, that yes have happened right in front of us, and just stare in awe. It is quite an uncomfortable situation in all honesty. Other couples have often asked us how we are so close, and loving with one another. My answer to them is that we communicate effectively, and we respect the needs of the other. Of course, in our aspect, I respect the fact that she goes above and beyond to do the things that I ask of her, and that she tries from her being to serve me to the best of her ability. Does her serving me give me a lack of respect? Definitely not, I respect what she does more than anyone can know. Just as, she respects me for my guidance, love, support, and yes strictness when needed.

    A person submits because they want to. Not because it is taken from you. A person giving their submission is not a disrespectful thing to do. A Master is supposed to take care of their submissive/slave, and always think before they do something. If that is not respect for the other person, than I do not know how else to narrow this down. Yes there are many areas of abuse in the lifestyle unfortunately, but those people are not Dominants, they are just abusing the "ego" of it all.

    Jay
    "Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo."-H.G.Wells

  30. #30
    watchful
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    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by JayTC View Post
    I know I haven't posted here in awhile, but I would like to give a viewpoint here, if I may. If you ever think about, or see other married couples (which I have) many of my co-workers have had bbq's or we have invited them over for dinner etc. What I see in the "vanilla" world, is a total lack of respect for each other. The bickering, the arguments, etc. The quality of respect is just not there because they are always trying to have "equal" power, whether it be over finances, children, or what they are going to do.

    My slave mia and I have often looked at each other during these bickerings, and fights, that yes have happened right in front of us, and just stare in awe. It is quite an uncomfortable situation in all honesty. Other couples have often asked us how we are so close, and loving with one another. My answer to them is that we communicate effectively, and we respect the needs of the other. Of course, in our aspect, I respect the fact that she goes above and beyond to do the things that I ask of her, and that she tries from her being to serve me to the best of her ability. Does her serving me give me a lack of respect? Definitely not, I respect what she does more than anyone can know. Just as, she respects me for my guidance, love, support, and yes strictness when needed.

    A person submits because they want to. Not because it is taken from you. A person giving their submission is not a disrespectful thing to do. A Master is supposed to take care of their submissive/slave, and always think before they do something. If that is not respect for the other person, than I do not know how else to narrow this down. Yes there are many areas of abuse in the lifestyle unfortunately, but those people are not Dominants, they are just abusing the "ego" of it all.

    Jay
    That was very well put and beautifully said. Thank you.

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