:: putting serious cap on for a second ::

I thought it would be best to just talk a bit about why I started this thread and why I'm not really very proactive about the roleplaying aspect of it.

Your attention and flirting means a lot to me. But in a way, I feel odd about reciprocating at times. I know that's stupid, ya don't have to tell me, honest! Logically, I know it's okay. And flirting is just part of who I am, I flirt like a breathe or eat or pee. I have to flirt to survive in some ways.

On this forum, and another forum I frequent, I've been flirted with openly for the first time since Erin passed, and I guess I've started to flirt back. And at that other place, I made a bit of a mess of things and sort of unintentionally hurt someone's feelings by not flirting back, and then not explaining why I was being so alternately shy and bold. I really wouldn't want to do that here, too, so I guess I'd better explain that, quick.

When I first saw the talk in the Pandy and Caine thread, I kind of went into panic mode. I desperately need that kind of attention, but really don't know how to process flirting at times. I feel guilty for doing it, guilty for wanting it. Which is silly, which is shit, yeah. People need to feel attractive, wanted, and I'm no exception.

That's why I created this thread-- I think I needed to open a door or a window and see if the sun was out. I don't really know if I'm ready. So I'm writing this because I don't want to put you in a funny place if you write something flirty and I don't respond, or don't respond well. Just that you had something funny to say really brightens my outlook.

I'm mad about all of you. You're wonderful, and you take the bitterness away, and God bless you for that. Anyways... pull up a chair if my lap's a little crowded. Tell me how your life is, tell me all your dreams-- the vanilla and the kinky stuff. Pull on my beard to see that its real and then tell me what you want for Christmas.

I will relax and let my inner flirt loose again... thanks for playing with me.