Hi Tom,

I did not respond to this when you first posted, because I did not really disagree with you. I posted this because I though we needed to understand about the roots of our "lifestyle." (Not a word that I like either, but the only one that seems to work.)

I find that I agree with you about most of his definitions, though in a few more years the pendulum may swing back to accommodate more of these views. I personally hope not, but I do not define trends, I just watch them.

Anyway, I wanted to comment on the difference between a sub and a slave. Mishka considers herself to be my slave. To her that does not mean she cannot discuss things with me, but it does mean that whatever I say is the final authority on a matter. This is so ingrained in her that i have to be careful in how I say things, so that she will not think I am being harsh or critical.

kestrel is my sub. She also obeys me, but she feels free to argue with me, tease me, and even contradict me. Her attitude is that even when I am wrong, she will listen, but I had best be ready to hear her opinion on the subject. I can be firm, and even critical, with out worry that she is going to be hurt.

They both have limits, and they trust me as I push those limits. Yet Mishka's limits are defined but what she perceives to be my desires. I have taken her past her original limits in some areas simply because she desires to please me. With kestrel we will have to work on the limits and take time exploring together.

It is hard to define the difference in their attitudes, but I can see it. It is real. Mishka is a slave, and kestrel is a sub, yet I love them both.