Being a Good Dom

[Laila]

Being a dominant doesn't mean you have inherent control over every submissive you meet. You must work to gain their trust and respect.

And finally, fine, give yourself a title of nobility, but remember you will still need to earn respect just like everyone else does.

Thank you for expressing it like that! I constantly get to hear I'm not a real sub or not a real whatever because I refuse to act very submissive before the man's demenour, intelligence, creativity etc. makes me want to submit to him.

Also for me, but that's more a feeling that something I could adequately put into words a Dom doesn't truely and actually enjoy inflicting pain or humiliation. If I get the feeling that is what he is all about I am so turned off!
How it is that sometimes he does both and has fun with it without that being the prime reason for enjoying himself... well I might need help about this point from an actual Dom.

[Guest 91108]

...

Also for me, but that's more a feeling that something I could adequately put into words a Dom doesn't truely and actually enjoy inflicting pain or humiliation. If I get the feeling that is what he is all about I am so turned off!
How it is that sometimes he does both and has fun with it without that being the prime reason for enjoying himself... well I might need help about this point from an actual Dom.

hrm .. interesting....
besides spanking * coughs * ....
I find that the giving of some torment or pain is not about the pain I inflict; but watching her overcome the torment/pain. Knowing that during that time she is thinking only of the moment. She is focused and aware of more of herself than any other time. Makes her more feminine to me to know of her awareness of self... And that she is giving of herself to me in this manner is such a pleasure. there in lies the enjoyment for me if there is any ...
Does that help ?

[jeanne]

hrm .. interesting....
besides spanking * coughs * ....
I find that the giving of some torment or pain is not about the pain I inflict; but watching her overcome the torment/pain. Knowing that during that time she is thinking only of the moment. She is focused and aware of more of herself than any other time. Makes her more feminine to me to know of her awareness of self... And that she is giving of herself to me in this manner is such a pleasure. there in lies the enjoyment for me if there is any ...
Does that help ?

Wolfscout - thanks for that insight - I too have struggled with trying to "understand" what my husband gets out of this (other than the obvious sexual component ) and your explanation makes sense to me.

Have a wonderful day,
jeanne

[Logic1]

hrm .. interesting....
besides spanking * coughs * ....
I find that the giving of some torment or pain is not about the pain I inflict; but watching her overcome the torment/pain. Knowing that during that time she is thinking only of the moment. She is focused and aware of more of herself than any other time. Makes her more feminine to me to know of her awareness of self... And that she is giving of herself to me in this manner is such a pleasure. there in lies the enjoyment for me if there is any ...
Does that help ?

this pretty much speaks for me aswell. and definitely well put Alex.

the amount of wise men and women here is astonishing to say the least.

/tips the hat to you

I would or could NEVER hit/beat a women ever but spankings and those kinds of things is a whole different matter from my pov.

[Austerus]

hrm .. interesting....
besides spanking * coughs * ....
I find that the giving of some torment or pain is not about the pain I inflict; but watching her overcome the torment/pain. Knowing that during that time she is thinking only of the moment. She is focused and aware of more of herself than any other time. Makes her more feminine to me to know of her awareness of self... And that she is giving of herself to me in this manner is such a pleasure. there in lies the enjoyment for me if there is any ...
Does that help ?

I think this is pretty dead on For me and my wife there is another aspect here too. She doesn't particularly -like- pain a lot, but she -loves- feeling submissive and possessed. On the other side, I love feeling dominant and possess(ing?)

So for us at least, the inflicting of torment isn't really -about- the torment, if that makes any sense. It's about my seeing how she willingly submits to -me-, about my joy in seeing her submission to me, about her seeing/feeling that joy and feeling joy in return for pleasing me/submitting/feeling possessed. It creates an "emotional feedback loop" if that doesn't sound too trite, in which torment is merely the catalyst, rather than the ends either of us are looking for.

/ramble off

[jeanne]

So for us at least, the inflicting of torment isn't really -about- the torment, if that makes any sense. It's about my seeing how she willingly submits to -me-, about my joy in seeing her submission to me, about her seeing/feeling that joy and feeling joy in return for pleasing me/submitting/feeling possessed. It creates an "emotional feedback loop" if that doesn't sound too trite, in which torment is merely the catalyst, rather than the ends either of us are looking for.

Oh, oh, my - exactly! And not trite at all!

[gloombunny]

Also for me, but that's more a feeling that something I could adequately put into words a Dom doesn't truely and actually enjoy inflicting pain or humiliation. If I get the feeling that is what he is all about I am so turned off!

What's wrong with enjoying infllicting pain and humiliation?