Thank you Ruby, I understand now why this was so hard for me. Your very detailed explanation of what I need to do is so helpful. Thank you for letting me rewrite before wasting your time picking at the first one.

Active voice, save it for the actual action! I can be very slow to catch on.

I interpret my assignments very literally.

I thought you wanted the whole thing in active voice, this is why my first attempt was so clipped and breathless You got the virgin draft, Ruby the one I posted might be a word or two different, but not by much. I sent it to you privately because I knew it had problems...then I was restless and saw the brave moptop post a first draft, and it rocked, and she was so brave, so I figured why not? I sent it to Ruby, she saw it, I could do that too...mine had far more to fix, but what the hell.

I have to apologise to H Dean, he said he my story didn't seem like a first draft. Now I think I know why. Never thought about it until he said that.

This is how I wrote this, it had to have a dungeon, and what fun is that with out a bit of torture? Hmmm who do i want to torture, oh right, That Guy, so I will try to get in his stupid head and think about why I want to toture him...with my interprtation of active voice, it took off like a breathless runner from there. Once I had a who and why, the how was easy.

I did not finish this in one sitting, each time I looked at it I reread it from the beginning, keeping in mind my assignment, and added and subtracted as I saw fit (because, here, writing, I am g-d, dammit) until it felt as though it reached an end. I was going to change alot and I am pretty sure I didn't do it before moptop (unintentionally) lit the fire under my ass to post it.

I wanted to know if it was worth saving, and I am an attention whore at times.

So, because it was so hard to try to do it ALL in active voice, (because i took the assignment too literally) I worked on it and got exhausted by the pace and had to stop and start over (on the origina?) quite a few times.

Maybe I am incapable of a first draft.

My dearest H Dean, I think this is why it seemed not to be a first draft, I'll bet. And maybe I don't really know what constitutes a first draft because I have usually write this way, very gradually. It seems to take me a few tries before a piece feels finished. I have to pretty much read the whole thing again whenever I work on it, so I edit as I write, until I catch the mood again and then I can keep going to an ending.

I never really thought about this process before, I just figure when it feels like a complete scene, or story, or chapter, it is the first draft.

Deanie, darling, you are truly an ispiration to me. You call me on my subconscious bullshit. My first draft is only in my head, before I start writing...no one gets to see it, I am too much of a perfectionist, in my mind, not with my skill.

I will set myself to task to eradicate all my clumsiness. When I began writing in earnest, five years ago I was going to blatantly fuck the rules...it had been so long that I had school, I had forgotten many.

People liked my stories in spite of that, so I kept writing and occasionally letting someone see...

Now, I see the value of sticking to a form and fashion that is more comprehensible...I enjoyed the abstract quality of my stream of consciousness phase...now I want the story it self to be the mind fuck, not the form...jeez, might I be finally growing up?

Ruby, your comments and instruction have shed a bright light on how I can fix this.

Thank you, I hope I can make you all feel like it was woth the effort to give me all this help. In thanks I want to invite you all, Dragon's Muse, Aussiegirl, Rhabbi, Ruby, H Dean, moptop, Satan_Klause, Tessa and Mad Lews to my Halloween party in October...please forgive me if I am overlooking anyone who has helped me...as far as you all being strangers, I am not afraid...I am not kidding, PM me for details.

I throw kickass parties. I am so happy, I feel like having one right now.

I will get to work Ruby, thank you!

Beswitchingly

P.S. My r/l writing partner read the last version of this outloud to myself and two other friends this afternoon, before Ruby posted...one of my very best friends, Mad Mike (he is famous, look up madmikethehippiebum on my space if you want to consider the source) he kept shouting out "No guy thinks that way!! No guy would ever say that!!" over and over...so please, tell me, yall, was the male pov at all believable?Any suggestions will be gratefully accepted...