Her_joe,
I really don’t know what to say. So I will say thank you, it seems the safest thing to do at the moment. I am not having a good day and my openness does not feel like a good thing to me at present.

I to am new to D/s as well. I joined the forum in January and read everything I could. I did find the BDSM library stories were mostly not to my taste. Some of them even made me feel sick so I don’t read them any more. By March I had made many friends and was exploring both my submissive and dominant sides. I spent much more time on my Domme side but my first master helped me open up enough so that exploring my submissive side didn’t seem alien to me or wrong. He was also the one who taught me that by sharing my experiences with others I would see I was not alone and others would understand my needs. My needs soon turned to wanting to explore pain which was not something that my first master enjoyed or maybe he realized I would be to hard to train in this area. I am not sure at this point. Saracen and I are just starting our relationship as Dom/sub. And as you can tell what I think will please and make Saracen proud of me is having the exact opposite effect.

I was thinking about completing my task as my Master had requested. If I had been Wonder Woman I would not have had to back off on the tension. The question is why was it so important to me. Saracen and I only have one day a week where we can be with each other for him to watch and train me. It was going to be a present to Saracen since we would not be together for a couple of weeks. I actually spent much of yesterday trying to figure out how I could wear the clamps for over an hour successfully without so much pain and not causing any damage to my nipples. As you can see my Master was not happy that I did not remove my clamps when the pain became intense. The fact is by not removing them I upset him and ruin my present altogether. Saracen and I chatted on MSN last night and I will not be finishing this task. Not because of the pain but because I can’t do it knowing I have displeased him already in performing the task.

I am glad if our sharing helps others. I know when others share with me it is a great gift. Learning about one’s needs and desires is sometimes extremely hard and very emotional. The fact that there are others out there doing the same thing gives me strength to continue learning about myself.

Saracen has made it perfectly clear that any pain training will be done under his direct supervision. The purpose of any other tasks assigned when he is not around are for preparation and focus only.

Jade