Kink or lifestyle?

[TomOfSweden]

Ok, this too! Yay for "anyway"! Hey, Tom? Does this same thought apply to Dominants as well? I'm not being sarcastic, in case you're thinking that. It's a serious question.

What do you mean? Dominance? I've always been a bit bent when it comes to sexual fantasies but I actually don't remember how it all started with me developing the need for sexual domination. I've been told all my life that I'm dominant, and a born leader. Especially by women who where horny for me, so I think I kind of slipped into the dominant sadist role to keep them happy and then made it a part of me. But this transition wasn't conscious, and wasn't so much a change than clarification of my role. As I've said before, I'm a total pervert. I've fantasised about most things all my life, and can probably enjoy quite a range of sexual perversions in any role, not necessarily as a dominant.

As you are well aware Tessa, we all tend to live up to the expectations of our surroundings, and if it doesn't do violence on our core being, then....why not? But IMHO being dominant isn't necessarily a sexual role, just as little as being submissive. It's just personality traits.

[DrGeordie]

Tessa,

I'm with Tom on this one. Dominance can be separated from sex if you want it to be. I can make badlyguidedlittlemis shiver all down her spine in the middle of a pub with one word as long as it's the right word. There are certain little actions that have nothing to do with sex that let her know that she is safe and I've got her. The sex is a whole barrel of fun but there's so much more than that.

cariad,

I'm not convinced it always help to know which box you fit in. I'm not a fan of pigeon holing people since labels tend to be restrictive. If you can use the label but understand that it isn't fixed forever and when the time comes you can leave it behind then fair enough. If none of the labels fit comfortably then don't wear any at all. Just my tuppence worth

DrG

[tessa]

As you are well aware Tessa, we all tend to live up to the expectations of our surroundings, and if it doesn't do violence on our core being, then....why not? But IMHO being dominant isn't necessarily a sexual role, just as little as being submissive. It's just personality traits.

You answered my question, perfectly, Tom. Exactly what I wanted to have insight into. It all made sense to me. Thanks.

Tessa,

I'm with Tom on this one. Dominance can be separated from sex if you want it to be. I can make badlyguidedlittlemis shiver all down her spine in the middle of a pub with one word as long as it's the right word. There are certain little actions that have nothing to do with sex that let her know that she is safe and I've got her. The sex is a whole barrel of fun but there's so much more than that.

And more insight! And I understand this so well. Possibly surprising, but I do. Thanks, DrGeordie, for taking the time to address this with me.

hmmm kinky sex is in the mind. For me having sex with a sub/slave that is bound and powerless is not kinky it is my norm.

I really appreciate the way you worded this, Sir Russell. It helped a few things "click" into place. ~hugs~

Kinky for me might be fucking in a church baptismal pool with or without the congration there.

I appreciate this for so many other reasons.

Being submissive is important to my identity and the way I feel about my marriage.

This is a real gem of insight right here. Wow. So simple, yet says it all.

And what blizz said about icing... Oh...wait. ~re-reads her post~ Ohhhhhhh. Well, I still agree with all she said, just now it's in an entirely different context.

You are all just so fascinating to read.

ps. ~waves cookies at Red~