DH is dominant IRL and I'm more easy going. I don't really like to say I'm submissive IRL, but most things don't bother me enough to really worry about.

Because DH is so dominant, has lots of responsibilities at work, etc, he truly needs to be dominated to be happy. It relieves a lot of stress to let someone else handle things for a while. But, in play, his natural dominance can creep out, so sometimes he does a lot of topping from the bottom. Doesn't satisfy his need quite as much and can tick me off immensely, but still enjoyable.

I'm happy either way, some days I want to be in control, some days I want to be out of control. I struggled a long time with what you're struggling with, the "how can I be dominant sometimes if I'm submissive sometimes?" I definitely can't be dominant the same night after being the sub, but I can go from domme to sub in the same night. Completely wiped out from last night of double duty . And we're just now getting to where we can really communicate without a lot of confusion. We sometimes cross up and both want to be dominant or both want to be subs and that rarely works out to satisfying both.

We're not and never have been that rigid in our roles. We don't get into asking permission or punishment for wanting, etc. I think you are just starting out in your D/s part of your marriage. So talk about it. Or simply give a command or set a scene and see if she responds.

I don't know if I'm helping or not, but just remember ya'll are in it for the long haul. One night's confusion will not destroy a good relationship. This is supposed to be fun.