new around here

[Austerus]

geez, poor subbies...this problem seems to be going around like the flu! On one level it blows me aay...I can certainly imagine women who wouldn't want to be owned, but it's pretty hard for me to picture their men not wanting to own them (male subs aside I guess.) That being said...

Remember hiko, men have a lifetime of social conditioning to make them believe that women are fragile little flowers who need to always be protected , taken care of, and spoken to politely (this conditioning ignores inconvenient facts like women's higher pain tolerance.) A lot of the same qualities that make your man someone you want to be with...that he wants good things for you, cares about you, is most likely respectful toward you...combine with this conditioning to make it difficult for him to dominate you.

The only way to get it to work is with lots of talking, convincing him that you are not going to shatter into a million pieces with some hair pulling or spanking, and moving slowly forward. You should tell him the things you know about safe words and limits. If you're lucky, he'll decide that the two of you can try it, but -insist- that you have a safe word, etc. If you're lucky he might even end up thinking all this safety research and safe-word stuff was his idea, which mighth elp him feel in charge. What a clever fellow!

[annie]

Remember hiko, men have a lifetime of social conditioning to make them believe that women are fragile little flowers who need to always be protected , taken care of, and spoken to politely (this conditioning ignores inconvenient facts like women's higher pain tolerance.) A lot of the same qualities that make your man someone you want to be with...that he wants good things for you, cares about you, is most likely respectful toward you...combine with this conditioning to make it difficult for him to dominate you.

You know... this is SO true. I once had a Dom tell me that it was hard for most men, based on how they were raised, etc. to beat a woman (in pleasure) one night and then sit across the breakfast table the next morning and look her in the eye. Especially if there was physical evidence of what had happened.

And... I do karate, and based on my height (5'10") I end up paired with men 95% of the time for sparring, practice, etc. It has taken me almost a full year but I have now convinced (or perhaps proven) to 3 men in the class that I spar with regularly that I am not going to break if they strike me, especially with gear on. I finally asked one of them flat out, "Would you rather I die if someone attacked me just so you don't have to feel bad about bruising me a bit?" That was an extreme but based on the mindset I had to really convince them that 1) I could take it and 2) I needed too to learn. *covering up the huge bruise on my forearm from today's class.... *

So... after that ramble (sorry)... lol. Not sure I have an answer either... just patience and talking...