In the Lobby - AKA Rhabbi's second assignment.

[Mad Lews]

Well, I know it has been a while, and that you despaired of ever seeing me here again, but I am back. My only excuse is that my offline life got a little complicated and I had to change a few things around in order to get my head back into writing. Hell, I have not even been reading much, which is an addiction with me.

I am not sure this is worth the wait, as it came pouring out rather quickly once I had time to set down to write, but here it is.

Kim, let me tell you, this weekend was the most interesting of my life. I know you were worried about me going to Vegas to meet DeWinter, but I want to tell you what happened so that you will know I made the right decision.

What is it about a sub that can cause an instant tingle in a normally sane Doms groin? Especially online? It cannot be the looks, because we all know that online people can be anyone they want to be.

When I first noticed DeWinter on the forum, her avatar casually intrigued me. I did not intend to approach her in any other than a casual manner, but from the first, our conversations caused me to want to delve deeper into this mysterious person.

Our Private Messages on the forum soon progressed to Instant Messages. Next, emails, soon I was calling her. The more I learned about her, the more I wanted her.

We made plans for us to meet in Vegas. She often traveled as part of her work, and I was able to get away for a weekend to meet her.

The day was typical for Vegas in August, and I dealt with the triple digit temperature as I walked from the car to the hotel. The blast of refrigerated air upon entering the lobby was invigorating. I quickly looked around to see if I could spot her.

Have you ever noticed how the movies always show hotel lobbies as crowded? This has rarely been my experience in real life. At most, there are a few people checking in. Today proved to be the exception. There were perhaps two dozen people scattered throughout the place. I guess they were talking a break from their gambling and had decided to stay there rather than brave the heat that I had just experienced.

I had no trouble recognizing her even so. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but she was still the most magnetic woman in the lobby. She must have been expecting me to come in through the front door instead of from the parking lot.

She was facing away from me, and her hair tumbled from her head, to her shoulders, and halfway down her back. It resembled a waterfall as it stirred when she moved. The thick, black curls hung loose. Like every other man in the lobby, I watched her as she stood there. Her movements were sensuous and seductive. Yet she was obviously not on the prowl.

Instead of stating she's not on the prowl describe how you know that to be the case. What does that look like? “Sensuous and seductive and yet….I don't know and I guess that's the point is she looking demure? innocent? virginal? icy? proud?

She carried herself like a woman who wanted sex, but would never be satisfied with anything less than the perfect man. We all wanted to be that man, but most men would not even try to approach her. I was surprised to see that someone was talking to her.

I’m trying to get a fix on this ladies mindset and you seem to be describing a rather demanding woman (who is also a sub?). That’s quite possible, but needs to be fleshed out with a believable rational.

He was about 6’ and 170#. Lean muscles, a great tan, and perfect teeth, everything I am not. I watched for a couple of minutes, and she kept glancing around, trying to spot me. I was almost directly behind her so she could not see me without turning her back on the boy who was talking to her.

I walked up behind her to listen, and could hear that she would soon lose her temper with this poseur and cut him down to size. He was so vain that he had no idea of what risk he was running. Probably made his living off tourists and was not used to being spurned by 40 something housewives.

I moved closer and set down my suitcase. The boy glanced at me and dismissed me as inconsequential. He was convinced she was an ice princess, and was determined to melt her. If he had no chance how would I?

His arrogance rubbed me the wrong way, and I decided to unleash the passion inside DeWinter, just to give him a glimpse of what he would be missing, and to let him know not to discount what a little experience could do for a man.

I like the way you’ve nailed the arrogant poser and her cool reaction is spot on but she is still not quite an authentic whole in my mind’s eye. I need to see where her submission comes from, barring that I need to feel it sweep over her and overwhelm her reaction to the arrogant loser as her Dom takes over.

I stepped forward as he turned his attention back to her. Reaching out I took her hair in my right hand, and pulled her back against me. I felt her tense as I wrapped my left arm around her waist. I knew I had best let her know who I was before she screamed or tried to fight me.

“Hello wench.”

Her entire demeanor changed as she recognized my voice. Pulling her back against me, I bit her neck. She melted against me, and I felt her body tense in pleasure as her first orgasmic contraction in my arms took place.

“Oh-uh-ugh”

I looked up to see how the young boy was taking to my demonstration. His eyes had widened and I could see the confusion written across his face. I decided to further his education with a more impressive demonstration.

Letting go of DeWinter’s hair I moved my hands to her shoulders and bent to whisper in her ear.

“Don’t turn around, keep your eyes open.

“Remember the time I raped you on the phone? How I made you fuck yourself with the vibrator even though all you really wanted was for me to leave you alone?”

As I spoke, her eyes rolled back and she began to cum in earnest.

“Ju-uh-uh-osh”

This came out much louder than she would have liked, and most of the lobby turned to look in our direction. She started to bend forward and I tightened my grip on her shoulders to prevent this from happening. I watched the flush spread up her neck, and my delight came bubbling out in a laugh. I forgot about the boy as I turned her to me for our first kiss. She moved into my arms and turned her mouth up to meet my descending lips.

A groan interrupted our first kiss as she came again, but it was still the most intoxicating kiss I had ever experienced. As we finished I held her in my arms and smiled at her.

“You wet your pants wench.”

She smiled up at me as she blushed.

“Bad man. Very bad man.”

The love in her voice as she said this went straight to my heart.

"I love you, Sabine."

And that, Kim, is where I will end this tale, as the rest of the weekend involved what you might expect when two kinky lovers spend an all to brief weekend together.

OK I like it. Short punchy and to the point. The three characters interact well. The action is great, as is the dialogue. I just want to get into Sabine’s head a little more and understand the dichotomy of her demanding nature reacting to the arrogant fool versus her submissive desires and needs regarding her freshly introduced (in R/L) Dom. I don’t think we’re talking a lot of rewrite, just some thoughtful hints dropped into a few of the paragraphs. You don’t need to spell it out completely but you probably want to leave the reader pondering some possibilities. The last block goes a long way toward describing/explaining her submissive nature and maybe a few hints of this thrown into the story a bit earlier might help.

Just a few thoughts
Mad Lews