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~Lily~ Where do I go from here? 09-27-2005, 05:08 AM
Mistress Florence Well you don't exactly have... 09-27-2005, 02:10 PM
~Lily~ Thank you for taking time to... 09-27-2005, 03:00 PM
Walace See, Lily. It seems you're... 09-28-2005, 05:11 AM
Ruby Hi ~Lily~, If you love... 09-28-2005, 03:07 PM
~Lily~ Thank you all for your... 09-29-2005, 09:21 AM
lily\'s puppy i'll remember with fondness ... 09-30-2005, 01:59 PM
newdom5 Something that might help 10-12-2005, 06:50 PM
  1. #1
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    Thank you for taking time to answer Mistress Florence. I think my main problem is I love being dominant, but it's the getting started I struggle with, I'm not used to it and it just feels so unnatural at present, I'm hoping with time it will improve, but can I really go against my usual self to get there?

  2. #2
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    Dec 2004
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    Brazil
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    See, Lily. It seems you're missing something. Maybe it's just the habit of sorting things into rules and roles that's confusing you. I'm a Switch, but not because I'm one day dominant and submisive the other. Being a Switch to me is just being "free" from the conventional rules. It's just having control over my own needs and desires. If in the middle of a session I feel like being submissive, then I naturally and gradually "Switch" to the other role. Sure thing is that your partner will have to be a understanding and patient one, so that he won't lose all the fun. Many times I used to do it without even noticing what has hapened. Mostly I had my (ex)girlfriend wearing an outfit that would fit in both roles, so that the play didn't lost it's flavor.

    Anyways, If that's not your case, then you must be, like Mistress Florence indirectly sugested, in a lack of imagination. It takes more imagination and understanding of the other to be a Dom than most think. If you're willing to have some atention over you in the middle of the scene, then you must imagine a way to do that and still stay on your heels (sorry, this is an expression we use here in brazil). Or keeping your role and posture. As long as your imagination doesn't fail you, it will be allright. If it do, then take your time, put him over your lap and do something more simple until you can sort things out.

    Hope to have helped.
    The only reason for being alive is joy. Joy of learning, laughing, talking, working, spanking... Good and evil have no meaning, the diference is the sort of joy you like. You'll seek whatever brings you joy, and discard all the rest.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Lily~
    Thank you for taking time to answer Mistress Florence. I think my main problem is I love being dominant, but it's the getting started I struggle with, I'm not used to it and it just feels so unnatural at present, I'm hoping with time it will improve, but can I really go against my usual self to get there?
    Hi ~Lily~,

    If you love being dominant, it will get easier over time.

    I hope you've had some time to talk with your friend and explain what happened. He may have some insight into the situation that can help.

    While I'm Miss to my Nat, I'm not a domme all the time, not even with him. We tend to go with what we feel like. However, if I want to play Miss Ruby, then we've worked out a little routine of sorts to help us get into our roles.

    I might ask him if he wants to play.
    If he says yes, then I'll tell him to do something that puts him in the submissive role.
    It may be for him to offer himself to me or whatever I desire.
    From this moment on, I'm in charge of our playtime.

    Notice I say playtime. We're not in a 24/7 D/s relationship with strict rules. It's about having fun and enjoying each other as we choose.

    If your sub needs you to be in charge during the whole session, they you may want to think about in advance what you'd like to do.

    There are some great books on topping and female domming in the market. A number of web sites that can help, as well.

    I like this bit from Akasha's
    The Good Girl's Guide to Female Domination
    http://www.akashaweb.com/women/goodgirlpreview.html

    It's enough rules to get you started, give you something to think about and even reading it should help you determine if domming is something you'll want to continue to do.

    To your success,

    Ruby

    Me? I'm at one with my duality. I switch, therefore I am.
    Vampire erotica stories are posted here http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/a...?authorid=1290
    Visit http://www.vampirespet.com/ActivityChecklist.html for a Submissive / Dominant / Switch Activity Checklist.


  4. #4
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    Thank you all for your replies, I have had a small chat with Puppy, and we have decided to call it quits However, I shall still continue to explore this side to me and hopefully in future there wont be the problems there was this time.

    It's all certainly given me something to think about, as have all your answers.

  5. #5
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    i'll remember with fondness

  6. #6
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    Something that might help

    Quote Originally Posted by ~Lily~
    Thank you for taking time to answer Mistress Florence. I think my main problem is I love being dominant, but it's the getting started I struggle with, I'm not used to it and it just feels so unnatural at present, I'm hoping with time it will improve, but can I really go against my usual self to get there?

    I heard about this trick with test anxiety that might help you get past that hurdle. Try imagining that you have ALREADY begun the session and that things have been going well for about ten minutes or until you feel "in the role". Once you achieve the right frame of mind things should progress rather naturally from there. And take you time when you start. Study your slave for a while and just explore their body with your mind. This should distract you and help alieviate(sp?) any doubt.

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