Hello everyone, I would really appreciate any help you can give me on this one.

Firstly a little background about myself. I've always considered myself to be submissive, I love having control taken away from me and that feeling of being used but loved at the same time. Then a while ago I met someone who considered himself to be a switch, he couldn't cope with being dominant all the time and needed to occassionally be dominated and after several discussions it really opened up a whole new side to me, I found that I liked being dominant too, not all the time, but now and then it was a total turn on, something out of character.

That relationship didn't work out for a whole variety of reasons but during a discussion with a very good friend, and fellow sub we decided to explore this side of me together.

We spent several weeks exploring online, but the whole idea was when he came to visit we would take it up a step, it seemed a great idea, we are close and can talk about anything and he is probably the only friend I have who knows, and understands, this side to me.

So sure enough he came to visit, and then everything went wrong, there was some family emergencies that took precedence and then when that was all sorted I tried to take the initiative. I must admit I was hopeless, online it was fine but when it was up close and personal I froze up a little, well a lot. We finally did a few things together but after that it all went horribly wrong again.

In previous D/s relationships I have always waited for my partner to make the first move and I felt incredibly uncomfortable being in charge, once into it it was great, but afterwards I felt very empty and upset, and for the first time ever unable to articulate how I felt to my friend, so for the final 3 days of out stay together we barely spoke, didn't do anything, didn't touch each other, and acted as though nothing had happened at all.

Noe I am feeling totally confused, I enjoyed what we did together and would like to do more but I'm not a natural dominant personality and it feels as though I am trying to force the issue. I also don't know how to broach this subject with my pet but I no longer feel totally submissive either.

Where do I go from here?